Stages of Faith: the limited and the unfailing

Last night I after a very busy day both mentally and physically, I sat laid down and grabbed my Bible. I opened it and wondered what God wanted me to read. I originally opened it up to the Book of Job, but since I am no longer suffering with depression, my heart felt I needed something a bit more gripping at the moment.

I flipped through and my eye caught on Mark 5:21-43 And as I lay there relaxing, God spoke to me through His Word.

As I read, I noticed that Jairus, the one of the synagogue rulers, fell at Jesus' feet pleading with him to heal his young daughter that was dying. This man believed that Jesus could heal his daughter. His belief ranged that she was dying and if He would just lay His hand upon her, she would heal and live.

And in a span of moments, I knew the story well, because I had read it before many times, but never saw it as I saw it now.

It was the words

And pleaded earnestly with him, "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live" Mark 5:23

I realized that his man believe that Jesus could heal his daughter because she was still alive and he was earnestly was moving the Lord to come and come quickly to work His miracle. It dawned on me that Jairus' faith might have been as limited because he felt that Jesus could only work while the small child was alive.

It made me wonder about that for a moment when I looked back at my own faith and how I limited Jesus' power in my life. How many times myself I have I said to myself to God to please do something before it is too late. It makes me really wonder. Is it ever too late for God to work miracles in my life?

The next part of the story always has touched me deeply both humorously and sincerely. A woman that who had been subjected to twelve years of some issue of blood, which she suffered a great deal. The Scripture talks about how she had been under the care of many doctors and spend all she while looking for a healing. In Jesus' time, any issue of blood would have made her unclean by Jewish standards. I can't understand the stress and the possible heartache she must have felt emotionally as she tried to find relief physically from her malady.

It is her statment that shows she unfailing faith, a type of faith that some Christian lack.

Because she thought "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed" Mark 5: 28

She believed that Jesus could heal her! She belief moved her to reach out, no matter that there where a crowd a people around Jesus. Her belief was unfailing. It moved her

I asked myself last night. Do I have that type of belief of the woman with the issue of blood or I am more like Jarius. I have to say that my faith has waned and I have been in both spots in my life.

I know right now, as just a less then a week ago, God worked His miracle in my life, very much like Jairus. In the past months, I begged Jesus to help me with my depression and my unhappiness that racked my heart. I asked earnestly for Him to come and save the frail heart that was seemlying at the point of death. That is how I felt. I felt like I was dying inside, and knew if Jesus would just come to me, I could be healed.

Just like Jairus, I had to wait impatiently as he did yet I was just as fearful. I begged for Jesus to move, but just like with Jairus, Jesus had other plans with me. And I had to see things, expierence things before He lifted my depression. The one thing I had to experience most of all, was total brokenness so that I was more pliable in the Lord's hands to do His work, rather then my own. It is a very hard thing to live with, brokenness.

That words I say next I don't say lightly, I only say them because I understand, but I don't condone what people do when they seem like they have no more options to stop the pain they feel. I can understand how a person would want to take their life when they are so very depressed. It seems that it is the only option they have. No person can fix or heal the pain that touches that heart which is hurting. Everyone hurts for various reasons, and deals with coping with pain differently. Some people have poor coping skills, which cause they to take a more permanent solution to a temporary problem. It all comes down to how a person copes with pain.

In the pain I felt with my depression, I gripped the one thing that helped me cope. I knew if I ever let go, I would be lost even more then I was. I never let go of Jesus.

I laugh at it now, because the darkness as passed but I can see myself clinging to Jesus' robe like a pitbull latched on to the padded arm of a dog warden. My jaw was set and locked tight, I wasn't letting go. Even in my depression, my stubborness reared its ugly head, but in a way that saved me. In a way that healed me. It showed my faith in the Lord. Just as the woman with the issue of blood, I knew the power of Jesus' blood. I knew He could soothe my pains and heal my wounds. I just had to wait it out impatiently as Jairus.

When I said humorously about the woman with the issue of blood, I said that because way back in 1997 when I first got saved, I remember reading about how Jesus asked his disciples about who had touched him. I just laughed because I could see that Jesus was surrounded by a large crowd of people, that His statment seemed almost ridiculous. I laughed because I enjoyed to see that a bit of humor in the situation even thought the crowd was probably very emotionally charged, with Jairus among them worried, and fearful.

That even in an emotional charged situation, such as battling depression -the crying fits, the feeling of hopelessness and the pleads for help, Jesus can bring humor in a light hearted manner that can only make a heart smile with Joy. I know it is hard to explain, but it is stated in the Bible that the things of God are sometimes undescribable by our human standards. We only know what our heart feels. I say a bit of humor, because last Saturday when Jesus changed my life and lifted my depression. He didn't say "Who touched my clothes?" but more like "Do you see what you have done to yourself?" as if I was a very small child, that got scrapped up, bumped around, muddy, scratched, and now I was standing there covered in flith, blood and mud. And when Jesus said it, it wasn't a scolding or punishing, but it was one of sorrow and concern, filled with love and healing. I looked at myself honestly, unblinded by the pain I had felt from others and the world. And at the moment, the depression I felt was lifted and I saw how I had been treated myself and how I looked with all my subborness to lead my own life.

I was the long lost lamb, that Jesus looked for and didn't give up until I was back in his arms. I can smile now and laugh at my stubbornness, because now it seems so silly that I acted the way I did.

I laid in bed last night smiling knowing that a person have to go through learning different types of faith during one's life.

So once after Jesus healed the woman, Jarius so heard the news that he dreaded to hear. "Your daughter is dead" and "Why bother the teacher anymore?"

A wonderful thing happened after that. I am sure Jarius' heart just burst in his heart with pain. He had so much faith that if Jesus would just come to his house, his loved one would be healed. A wonderful thing to hear Jesus' voice say "Don't be afraid; just believe"

How many times does a person have to hear those wonderful words. Not just from our fellow Christians, but from Jesus himself. I believe those are the words that Jesus said to me that Saturday morning when I sat there in my deep sadness and pain. I might have been physically sitting in a chair at my computer, but spiritually I was laying on the ground, crying at the feet of Jesus. He lifted me up, comforted me. And in love, said "Look at yourself" in a manner as if I needed extra care, a spiritual bath of his healing blood to heal and clean my many wounds, and a closeness to feel loved and safe. Just like a lost lamb.

And suddenly, in a blink of an eye, I was changed. The cloud of depression was lifted and I had joy in my heart undescribable.

In Mark 5:38-39. Jesus saw the commotion filled with crying and wailing loudly. He told them the child was not dead.

As I lay on my spiritual floor, I was crying and wailing. I was dead. I felt dead. I felt worst then dead. I knew I was saved, but I still felt dead. How is that? I still ask myself that. It doesn't matter now, but I am sure if I need to know God will enlighten me in time. The only important thing is that Jesus picked me up and reminded me that I wasn't dead, I was just sleeping, just like the daughter of Jairus.

but like Jarius, Jesus also had to show me that He works in His timing, not my own. And it is never too late for Jesus to work with me, once I have been saved. I was a lamb in His flock and He would never abandon me, when I some how lost my way and got lost. The Shepherd will always search and bring back the wayward lamb to His flock.

That like Jarius, I limited my faith in God. I believed that there God could possible only help me during the demanding time of my heart. I was trying to stubbornly get Him to work according to my time. But just like Jarius with the issues of faith, and the death and witnessed resurrection of Lazarus. It shows that Jesus arrives exactly on time, every time. It isn't our time. But His time.

So learned last night that I have limited my faith according to what I saw and felt, as well as I also hard an unfailing faith in the saving grace of my Lord and Saviour. That the Word of God teaches and shows me parts of my own life in the Bible, in a way I had never saw before.

I just have to be still and allow God to speak to me and He will teach me about faith and what I am suppose to learn from it.

Thank you Lord :o)

Finding the Truth in the Word, and in my heart.

February 26 John 1:19-34 Psalm 2

Yesterday night was a bit of a hassle with my soul, as I missed the Wednesday service. I really needed some praise and worship in my life yesterday, but my peace of mind came later that night when I was praying a little bit, or I was trying to. My DVD player stopped playing so I just relaxed in silence while reading my new book. It is called “Overcoming the Enemy” by Charles Stanley. It was about discovering God’s plan for winning Spiritual battles. I got into Chapter two when I relaxed so much I fell asleep, which was really unusually for me, as uptight as I was last night. IT was a God send for me. I had a lovely night’s sleep.

I woke up this morning refreshed and ready to go with reading my Bible and praying. :o)

John 1:19-34

A Voice in the Wilderness

19 Now this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” 20 He confessed, and did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.”
21 And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the Prophet?”
And he answered, “No.” 22 Then they said to him, “Who are you, that we may give an answer to those who sent us? What do you say about yourself?” 23 He said: “I am

The voice of one crying in the wilderness:

Make straight the way of the LORD,”’
as the prophet Isaiah said.”

I believe that John was the messenger sent to prepare the way for the Messiah.
John the Baptist had a strong character and confidence before the priests and Levites from Jereusalem to declare he wasn’t who they thought he was, and bold enough to state what his role was in God’s Kingdom.

I hope to have the confidence and the boldness of John the Baptist when I proclaim the Good News to others.

24 Now those who were sent were from the Pharisees. 25 And they asked him, saying, “Why then do you baptize if you are not the Christ, nor Elijah, nor the Prophet?”
26 John answered them, saying, “I baptize with water, but there stands One among you whom you do not know. 27 It is He who, coming after me, is preferred before me, whose sandal strap I am not worthy to loose.” 28 These things were done in Bethabara beyond the Jordan, where John was baptizing.

Wow, it must have been amazing for John to state that the Messiah was among them and none of them realized it but him. To have Jesus, the Son of God, walking in the midst, experiences life as we lived it. It is very humbling to know that Jesus, left his Throne in Heaven, to walk among us.

To think of that is mind boggling, to think Jesus cared enough for me, you and everyone that he sacrificed so much just for us.

I know I am not worthy as a sinful human to unloosen his sandal strap, but only by his precious blood that he shed at Calvary, as I am worthy to stand before Father God.

The Lamb of God

29 The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world! 30 This is He of whom I said, ‘After me comes a Man who is preferred before me, for He was before me.’ 31 I did not know Him; but that He should be revealed to Israel, therefore I came baptizing with water.” 32 And John bore witness, saying, “I saw the Spirit descending from heaven like a dove, and He remained upon Him. 33 I did not know Him, but He who sent me to baptize with water said to me, ‘Upon whom you see the Spirit descending, and remaining on Him, this is He who baptizes with the Holy Spirit.’ 34 And I have seen and testified that this is the Son of God.”

I believe Jesus is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world

John knew then the Messiah stepped forth, but I wonder how many were in the crowd that saw what John saw that day. Did any that were there hunger for the Kingdom of God as John did. Did any of them feel within their hearts that this person that stepped forth, who was Jesus, was special. Did their hearts speak to them and tell them it was their Messiah standing there? Some day I will ask God these questions and I know all my questions will be answered.

I believe God the Father confirmed that Jesus is the Savior of the world when the Holy Spirit descended and rested upon him after his baptism.

During this time, I like to imagine what it might have been like to be in the crowd and follow Jesus as His ministry grew. Would I have been an skeptic or would have my heart proclaimed the true to my soul, when I saw Jesus? As my heart yearns for Jesus, I want to believe I would have known as soon as John the Baptist proclaimed it.

My mind might not have wanted to believe it because it is rationalizes by human standards, but the heart, the soul knows and believes sometimes what the mind can comprehend. That is how I know there is a God. I believe because the fiber of my being tells me so, even though my mind logically tries at times to disprove His existence.

Psalm 2

This psalm helps me focus on it is not the places, the kingdoms of this world that I should focus on, because all things of this Earth, will fall away int time.

The Messiah’s Triumph and Kingdom

1 Why do the nations rage,
And the people plot a vain thing?
2 The kings of the earth set themselves,
And the rulers take counsel together,
Against the LORD and against His Anointed, saying,
3 “Let us break Their bonds in pieces
And cast away Their cords from us.”

All around me, I see the world raging and taking over other countries. I see people caught up in the vanities of being the King of the Hill, as others are trampled underneath. I have even see lately in the news how Countries around the world have denied the Kingdom of God and His Messiah, Jesus. I am watching those people try to tear down what God controls. I know that God is in control.

I know that the Lord scoffs at the human attempts to overthrow His kingship.

4 He who sits in the heavens shall laugh;
The Lord shall hold them in derision.
5 Then He shall speak to them in His wrath,
And distress them in His deep displeasure:
6 “Yet I have set My King
On My holy hill of Zion.”

May the Word of God always be my shining light in this world. I hope that my heart always remains true as the world around me doubts My God. And when my God acts upon His displeasure to those that scorn him and do not believe in Him, may I always pray for those unbelievers so they might see the truth.


7 “I will declare the decree:
The LORD has said to Me,
‘You are My Son,
Today I have begotten You.
8 Ask of Me, and I will give You
The nations for Your inheritance,
And the ends of the earth for Your possession.
9 You shall break them with a rod of iron;
You shall dash them to pieces like a potter’s vessel.’”

I am child of God and My God is my Father. As a child would ask of their father, all I have to do is ask and He will provide. He has granted me many blessings, and He wants me to prosper, for it is right as a child of God. It is my inheritance!

One of my friend told me once, a cub of the Lion, and that makes me a Lion as well, as that in itself is powerful, because sometimes I forget that I am child of God and the rights that come with it. I should never forget that!

I want to be more like David for yearn for the Heart of God and to do His will in his life.

I want to be more like John the Baptist, who was bold and strong in proclaiming the coming of God’s Kingdom. I want to be bold and strong in this world and share the Gospel with others.

I want to be more like Jesus who was compassionate to all and had His heart and mind and soul only for you, God. I want to be like that always.

10 Now therefore, be wise, O kings;
Be instructed, you judges of the earth.
11 Serve the LORD with fear,
And rejoice with trembling.
12 Kiss the Son, lest He be angry,
And you perish in the way,
When His wrath is kindled but a little.
Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.

Lord, allow all that I do, be in the wisdom in which You give me. May the Lord always instruct me in the ways I should act upon and do within my employment. I hope that I shall always serve God with fear, that He knows all and my ungodly actions will be seen maybe not by man, but will always be seen by God.

I praise God that it is He that keeps my pathways straight and my mind pure in a World that is wild and ungodly. I put my trust in God and His son, Jesus and not in the worldly kings in which I live.

I serve the Lord with fear and rejoicing because he is King of all.

I submit of God’s Son and find protection in Him

Daniel's Prayer Daniel 9:4-19

This is a lengthy prayer and I am very tired, so I will resume discussing what that prayer tells me when I read it. I must not fall behind on reading or writing or I won’t catch up.

Tomorrow I will be reading and studying John 1:35-51 (Word) Psalm 5 (Praise) and David's Prayer for Protection Psalm 3 (Prayer)

I have to say with much rejoicing and gladness that I have found my place back with God. I realized earlier today that my faith in God has been restored and I knew it wouldn’t take long. The Word of God and what God does in my life daily, is proof enough for me that He is there. I don’t have to always understand why things happen in my life the way they do. I just have to have faith and trust in my Father God. And at times, a stumble on the path of my faith, but God is patience with me, and when I do fall, He does help me up, weather I acknowledge it or not. He is there.

And for that, I am very, very thankful and blessed by His presence in my life.

God bless