Rocks to Jewels only with God's hands

Today I was thinking about all the hardships I might have to face in the near future. Doctor's appointments (which I hate) tests, unknown results, moving, etc, etc. As I was thinking about the various things coming my way and I was walking and saw this particular rock and picked it up. Ha ha ha. Anyone that knows me well, would laugh and not be surprized that my mind goes to rocks.

I love rocks for some reason. I have had people look at me funny when I said that I pick up rocks when they call to me. I said that the other day, and a friend of Christy just looked at me like I was crazy and asked "Rocks talk to you?" I told him, "NO! I just get a feeling that the rock is special in someway because what it looks like. Some are pretty to look at. Some are unsual. Some are just plain, but it reflects something in my life that I might have to learn how. I know it seems odd, but I am not reading into the rocks or anything. I just really like rocks for some reason. I always have. It is part of my personality. And God knows that.

As I was going to say, I remember reading at one time about two different articles of 5 stones of faith. One was very Catholic: Prayer, Fasting, Mass/Church ( since I am no longer a practicing Catholic, ha ha ha. . .not a Catholic at all anymore. I changed it to Church), Bible and Confession. I gleaned the right information from it and discarded the rest.

The other one was based on the 5 stones of David, which I loved so I really allowed that to sink in. Those 5 stones were: Faith, Obedience, Service, Prayer and the gift of the Holy Spirit. The article is here: http://www.byui.edu/Presentations/transcripts/devotionals/2001_07_10_mcgary.htm

The other article I will not post, because since I am no longer a Catholic, I will not subject people to reading something that might lead them astray, possibly confuse them or even judge me to not be a true born again Christian. At least I can see a glimmer of truth within all the statements that other Catholics post. And it was this such article, that stressed particular focuses, which was which were some main points in Jesus' teachings so I gleaned what God wanted me to use when I read it.

But again, I regress it wasn't the reason why I picked up the rock. It was what God moved in my heart to pick up the rock and what He was trying to show me. This is what He wanted me to see.

As you can see in the photo, the rock I picked up, I could see that it was very jagged and uneven. It doesn't have much beauty in it, but yet, it still has its place, its purpose in many ways.

God molds us, shapes us and hones us with hardships and tribulations. It is what I saw in the rock. It is harsh looking and ragged, but with God's polish, it can be made into a very beautiful jewel. I am very much like that rock is so many ways. I am harsh looking with my stubborn-ness and from the inside, I am ragged and broken, but God is working on me. Honing and shaping me.

God is the blacksmith that is trying hard to shape the iron within my heart and soul, so I can become the jewel He sees in me.

The best that the rock shows me is 1 Peter 1:7

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:7

The rock is me. It doesn't look pretty at all, but it symbolizes my inward spiritual appearance. It is rugged, harsh, enough to cut a person that grabs it or steps on it. It's underside is flat and unmoving, which is very much like my stubborn-ness which is very unmoving, unless I want to. The rock has different shades, and mixtures of things like it as if it was conglomorated with cement with various minerals and pices of matter. My personality is very much like that and from an outward glance, might not seem very pretty at all, but God knows the jewel that housed in it. An uncut jewel will be passed up by many, because only a master gemstone cutter, will see past the ruggedness and flaws that it shows on the surface.

God is a master gemstone cutter. He knows just the right chip and cut to make a person's personality and heart to shine forth as He made it. We are all born rocks . Ha ha ha. Rocks! Some of us never see the jewel inside that God formed us before we were born and who we would become when we are born. He sees the hidden jewel, the hidden sparkle like a geode. And if we allow Him, he will polish, cut, shine and chip away at our plain, rugged surface, in order to reveal the beautiful jewel that we are .

So that rock that I picked up, showed me what God was doing to me and had been doing to me for so long. Only now, I am to see what God sees in me, and I am slowly changing the shape of my personality, the shape of my rock, with the help of Jesus.

Hardships are what they are: HARD ships. Things that are never easy to handled or deal with. Very much like rugged rocks. But I like to recall one piece of scripture that does help me hang on.

Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 2:3

Paul was a very harsh rock in this world, before Jesus got ahold of him and made him a very precious jewel to God. So if Paul can have faith to see it through, the hardship of the molding, melting, chipping, cutting and purifing of his heart and soul in the hands of God, then I can withstand my transformation as well.

How the world sees me does not matter anymore. What matters to me is how God sees me and how I can submit myself to His loving hands so He can beauify me in a way only He can.

So you might see an ugly, harsh rock, but in God's eyes, I am a shining, beautiful, and captivating jewel. The wonderful thing is, you are as well. A jewel in this world, which the world sees only as a rock.

I am not passing up a treasure I see in you. :o)

Stages of Faith: the limited and the unfailing

Last night I after a very busy day both mentally and physically, I sat laid down and grabbed my Bible. I opened it and wondered what God wanted me to read. I originally opened it up to the Book of Job, but since I am no longer suffering with depression, my heart felt I needed something a bit more gripping at the moment.

I flipped through and my eye caught on Mark 5:21-43 And as I lay there relaxing, God spoke to me through His Word.

As I read, I noticed that Jairus, the one of the synagogue rulers, fell at Jesus' feet pleading with him to heal his young daughter that was dying. This man believed that Jesus could heal his daughter. His belief ranged that she was dying and if He would just lay His hand upon her, she would heal and live.

And in a span of moments, I knew the story well, because I had read it before many times, but never saw it as I saw it now.

It was the words

And pleaded earnestly with him, "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live" Mark 5:23

I realized that his man believe that Jesus could heal his daughter because she was still alive and he was earnestly was moving the Lord to come and come quickly to work His miracle. It dawned on me that Jairus' faith might have been as limited because he felt that Jesus could only work while the small child was alive.

It made me wonder about that for a moment when I looked back at my own faith and how I limited Jesus' power in my life. How many times myself I have I said to myself to God to please do something before it is too late. It makes me really wonder. Is it ever too late for God to work miracles in my life?

The next part of the story always has touched me deeply both humorously and sincerely. A woman that who had been subjected to twelve years of some issue of blood, which she suffered a great deal. The Scripture talks about how she had been under the care of many doctors and spend all she while looking for a healing. In Jesus' time, any issue of blood would have made her unclean by Jewish standards. I can't understand the stress and the possible heartache she must have felt emotionally as she tried to find relief physically from her malady.

It is her statment that shows she unfailing faith, a type of faith that some Christian lack.

Because she thought "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed" Mark 5: 28

She believed that Jesus could heal her! She belief moved her to reach out, no matter that there where a crowd a people around Jesus. Her belief was unfailing. It moved her

I asked myself last night. Do I have that type of belief of the woman with the issue of blood or I am more like Jarius. I have to say that my faith has waned and I have been in both spots in my life.

I know right now, as just a less then a week ago, God worked His miracle in my life, very much like Jairus. In the past months, I begged Jesus to help me with my depression and my unhappiness that racked my heart. I asked earnestly for Him to come and save the frail heart that was seemlying at the point of death. That is how I felt. I felt like I was dying inside, and knew if Jesus would just come to me, I could be healed.

Just like Jairus, I had to wait impatiently as he did yet I was just as fearful. I begged for Jesus to move, but just like with Jairus, Jesus had other plans with me. And I had to see things, expierence things before He lifted my depression. The one thing I had to experience most of all, was total brokenness so that I was more pliable in the Lord's hands to do His work, rather then my own. It is a very hard thing to live with, brokenness.

That words I say next I don't say lightly, I only say them because I understand, but I don't condone what people do when they seem like they have no more options to stop the pain they feel. I can understand how a person would want to take their life when they are so very depressed. It seems that it is the only option they have. No person can fix or heal the pain that touches that heart which is hurting. Everyone hurts for various reasons, and deals with coping with pain differently. Some people have poor coping skills, which cause they to take a more permanent solution to a temporary problem. It all comes down to how a person copes with pain.

In the pain I felt with my depression, I gripped the one thing that helped me cope. I knew if I ever let go, I would be lost even more then I was. I never let go of Jesus.

I laugh at it now, because the darkness as passed but I can see myself clinging to Jesus' robe like a pitbull latched on to the padded arm of a dog warden. My jaw was set and locked tight, I wasn't letting go. Even in my depression, my stubborness reared its ugly head, but in a way that saved me. In a way that healed me. It showed my faith in the Lord. Just as the woman with the issue of blood, I knew the power of Jesus' blood. I knew He could soothe my pains and heal my wounds. I just had to wait it out impatiently as Jairus.

When I said humorously about the woman with the issue of blood, I said that because way back in 1997 when I first got saved, I remember reading about how Jesus asked his disciples about who had touched him. I just laughed because I could see that Jesus was surrounded by a large crowd of people, that His statment seemed almost ridiculous. I laughed because I enjoyed to see that a bit of humor in the situation even thought the crowd was probably very emotionally charged, with Jairus among them worried, and fearful.

That even in an emotional charged situation, such as battling depression -the crying fits, the feeling of hopelessness and the pleads for help, Jesus can bring humor in a light hearted manner that can only make a heart smile with Joy. I know it is hard to explain, but it is stated in the Bible that the things of God are sometimes undescribable by our human standards. We only know what our heart feels. I say a bit of humor, because last Saturday when Jesus changed my life and lifted my depression. He didn't say "Who touched my clothes?" but more like "Do you see what you have done to yourself?" as if I was a very small child, that got scrapped up, bumped around, muddy, scratched, and now I was standing there covered in flith, blood and mud. And when Jesus said it, it wasn't a scolding or punishing, but it was one of sorrow and concern, filled with love and healing. I looked at myself honestly, unblinded by the pain I had felt from others and the world. And at the moment, the depression I felt was lifted and I saw how I had been treated myself and how I looked with all my subborness to lead my own life.

I was the long lost lamb, that Jesus looked for and didn't give up until I was back in his arms. I can smile now and laugh at my stubbornness, because now it seems so silly that I acted the way I did.

I laid in bed last night smiling knowing that a person have to go through learning different types of faith during one's life.

So once after Jesus healed the woman, Jarius so heard the news that he dreaded to hear. "Your daughter is dead" and "Why bother the teacher anymore?"

A wonderful thing happened after that. I am sure Jarius' heart just burst in his heart with pain. He had so much faith that if Jesus would just come to his house, his loved one would be healed. A wonderful thing to hear Jesus' voice say "Don't be afraid; just believe"

How many times does a person have to hear those wonderful words. Not just from our fellow Christians, but from Jesus himself. I believe those are the words that Jesus said to me that Saturday morning when I sat there in my deep sadness and pain. I might have been physically sitting in a chair at my computer, but spiritually I was laying on the ground, crying at the feet of Jesus. He lifted me up, comforted me. And in love, said "Look at yourself" in a manner as if I needed extra care, a spiritual bath of his healing blood to heal and clean my many wounds, and a closeness to feel loved and safe. Just like a lost lamb.

And suddenly, in a blink of an eye, I was changed. The cloud of depression was lifted and I had joy in my heart undescribable.

In Mark 5:38-39. Jesus saw the commotion filled with crying and wailing loudly. He told them the child was not dead.

As I lay on my spiritual floor, I was crying and wailing. I was dead. I felt dead. I felt worst then dead. I knew I was saved, but I still felt dead. How is that? I still ask myself that. It doesn't matter now, but I am sure if I need to know God will enlighten me in time. The only important thing is that Jesus picked me up and reminded me that I wasn't dead, I was just sleeping, just like the daughter of Jairus.

but like Jarius, Jesus also had to show me that He works in His timing, not my own. And it is never too late for Jesus to work with me, once I have been saved. I was a lamb in His flock and He would never abandon me, when I some how lost my way and got lost. The Shepherd will always search and bring back the wayward lamb to His flock.

That like Jarius, I limited my faith in God. I believed that there God could possible only help me during the demanding time of my heart. I was trying to stubbornly get Him to work according to my time. But just like Jarius with the issues of faith, and the death and witnessed resurrection of Lazarus. It shows that Jesus arrives exactly on time, every time. It isn't our time. But His time.

So learned last night that I have limited my faith according to what I saw and felt, as well as I also hard an unfailing faith in the saving grace of my Lord and Saviour. That the Word of God teaches and shows me parts of my own life in the Bible, in a way I had never saw before.

I just have to be still and allow God to speak to me and He will teach me about faith and what I am suppose to learn from it.

Thank you Lord :o)

Are you waiting to be roadkill?

I know I haven't posted for a long while. Anyone that knows me well, knows that I have been suffering depression and trying to balance other things in my hectic life.

Well, my long hiatus due to depression is over with. I am ready to get back to living my life, in which I have been away from for so long. I want to say 13 years to be truthful, no matter how sad it maybe. Depression can really suck the life out of someone. The sad thing is that that depression I suffered was because of myself and how I was conducting my life. Only my faith in God really pulled me thought, because God was the only one that could reach me where I was going.

I was playing in the traffic of life, and it seems that I was destined to be roadkill. And God saved me from weaving and dodging the oncoming vehicles in this life I was facing.

The world is full of painful things a person must face, and not all advice that we recieve do we take to heart as we should. I was one of those people. I wasn't snubbing my friends advice purposely. I just didn't see what they were trying to tell me. I was blind. Blind of what I was doing to myself.

Each person deals with pain in their own way. My way was shutting down the memories that bought forth the pain and took steps to safe guard the trigger of those memories and pain that came along with it. When I started this process, I was only 23 years old, and now I am 35. It has taken along time to learn from my mistakes. Mistakes I didn't see, so I am hopeful reaching out to prevent someone else from doing the same. The process in which I started, wasn't something that I planned on always keeping active, it just happened that way and in time, I warpped the true reason for it. And it cause me to have great sadness and long standing depression. But using the selective process of closeting memories and preventing any actions that would trigger those feelings of pain and loss, I cut off a part of my personality that might trigger it. One of the deepest cuts to my personality was listening to music and drawing. I stopped doing those because it triggered good memories, which caused my heart to ache and remember my great loss. So for the last 13 years, I cut apart of my personality slowly, but methodically because exboyfriends, friends that had betrayed me, and family hurt me deeply and badly. It was the only thing I could do to cope with what my heart felt. It gave me a way to function while my heart was healing and learning how to live in happiness again.

But instead of happiness, I was causing my own depression, as I cut more and more away from my personality, and become less and less like "me" Only in the last couple months, as the Easter season was approaching, I was grasping on the hem of the Lord, because I felt that I was losing the battle with my depression.

In many words, I was wandering into oncoming traffic, but unable to find my own way out of the blinding lights. I was calling out to the Lord, constantly, but I wasn't hearing His Voice as I had wished I would. I didn't give up, because I knew He was there, even though I didn't feel Him or hear Him.

I was really pushing becoming roadkill on this road of life. It makes me wonder how many other people like myself, both Christian and non Christian alike that are wandering on the road, trying to cross to a better place, only to be blinded and confused by what is rushing for them. I was aware that others were crossing this "road" safely, but for some reason I wasn't move along as fast as I would have like. I was going so slow and I felt that I was just dodging the dangers just bearly each time. It was very time consuming and draining for me. I tried to focus on God, but my eyes were always on the blinding lights coming my way. I fought to get where others were at.

I couldn't find the reason for my depression or unhappiness. I just knew I was struggling and very, unhappy with my life. But the one thing I did know, was that God was my own hope in finding my way.

Now, that I am able to really "see" what my friends and family were trying to tell me and show me, I realize how dumb and blind I was. They did try to help, but I didn't see or hear it. Most of my friends gave up due to my repeativing whining and crying to my plight in life. My mother reached out to the point I got very spiteful to her telling me what to do and pushed her away. I just didn't see what I was doing.

The only thing that did get through to me was music. I happened to listen to some music I hadn't listen to in years. Songs that triggered good memories that I had long forgotten. One song really resonated in my soul, as it did as a teenager.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly

Blackbird fly

Listening to that simple song by the Beatles, opened doors to places in my heart that I had closed so long ago. I remembered my dreams and ideas. The hope I had. My future I held in my hand. And I asked myself why I had lost those feelings and ideas, that I held so dear.

The seed had been planted, and it grew as more songs that my heart moved me to listen to. In the depressing past, I would listen to certain songs that would remind me of my sadness, but these songs reminded me of the hope and dreams I had. With each song, something awakened in me, but I didn't know what it was.

Until, God showed me what I had done to myself and why I was so unhappy. I had stopped being "me". I cut away and killed the things that make me who I am and brought me joy. I allowed people in my life that hurt me cause me to slowly destroy msyelf from the inside out. God showed this to me Saturday Morning, as I was continuing listening to particular tracks of songs, that reminded me of the dreams I had, the happiness that it brought me. It showed me the past picture of me being "me"

And just like when Jesus healed the blind man, I was able to see. I mean really see what I had done to myself. I stopped being msyelf. And there was no way I could find happiness or end my depression when I wasn't allowing msyelf to be the person, God made me to be.

God knows me and He knows that one of the most important things in my life is music. I was listening to Christian music all the time. It was comforting me, but not sparking the dreams that I had locked away in the closets of my soul. It was the secular music that I prevented myelf from listening to. I needed healing and comfort, and no amount of secular music was going to help me. I knew that because I was hurting so badly and I needed help. God knew that. I just didn't know how it was going to come about. I had a feeling that no person was going to be able to give me that, because none of my friends were able to fix the hole that the pain was leaking out of. I knew God was the only answer. I just was growing impatient and so very tired of waiting in pain.

I was just clinging to God as long as I could. I was so very depressed and unhappy. It just seemed unending. Listening to the music that sparked the dreams I once had even caused a bit of pain regarding what I saw as a wasted life before me. But God worked on my heart, cause He knew I would not be able to see until I was completely broken. And I was completely broken. So broken that nothing seems to matter anymore. Nothing at all. Some days, all I did was lay there and cry. I cryed out to the Lord, but I still reared my stubborn head when things were not going the way I wanted them to.

God had to wait until I was completely broken before I would allow him to touch my heart as He did once before when I was first got saved. And I realize now, that after I got saved, I wasn't really open with Jesus. I still wasn't surrendering myself to a point that God could take control. I was still trying to man my own boat. I wanted to be the pilot, not Jesus.

But God knows me and He knows how stubborn I can be. I have always been a stubborn little thing, even when I was born 3 months premature, and refused to die as the doctors that were present at my birth told my mother that I would do. I refused to do what the world told me that I was do and become. Being stubborn as been a focal point in my life. It is unfortunately a very strong trait in my personality. But stubborness can be both good or bad, depending on it is used.

My stubborness as allow me to live, to push myself to put myself through college, work 3 jobs while doing so. But in the other hand my stubborness has always caused me to not listen to those trying to help me, and go my own lonely way, because I could and I would.

God had to break that destructive stubborness, so He could use the positive stubborness that was housed in my heart, deep inside. It was that destructive stubborness that cause me to process pain and closet parts of my personality in order to function and live my life to what I thought was fit.

Sigh,

God knew this and He knew I wasn't going to back down until I was broken. And I was very broken.

I was wandering in oncoming busy traffic of life, blind and dumb to what the consquences of it all. I was too stubborn to care. I was going to do what I felt was the best for me. It worked for me most of my life. To get past the abuse both mental, emotional and physical, the abandonment, the loneliness, the rejection and the intense pain my heart felt. I was able to survive my childhood and young adult life, to following what I consider the soldiering process. I was a soldier and I had to "buck" up and deal with that life gave me. So I selected various memories and actions that would prevent a trigger to all my pain and memories of my loss. Yes, I was being stubborn, because that is how God made me.

God knew. . .

And He knew that He had to wait until I was broken to a point that nothing that ever mattered to me, didn't matter any longer. Until the only thing I clung to was Him. And the last month, the last week, I clung, because I had nothing else to grab ahold of anything. Nothing else matter. There was no happiness in anything, but having comfort in the Lord. It is the way that God wants it. He is a jealous God and He wants no one else to take His place in a person's life. Not music, not artwork, not people, not animals, not computers. NOTHING And He could only work when I had found no happiness in things in my life, no matter that I cut so much of my personality away due to the pain of this world.

Only then could God show me how He had made me, the full of potential. That He could really show me who I was. Only when I was dumb, and blind, could He work a miracle and allow me to see the sunshine and hear the wonderful music of Life that He wanted to share with me.

So I was playing in traffic, threating to be hit by this world, and cast aside like roadkill, dead and forgotten. But that is now how He wanted it. Jesus came into this world to fullfill it and He overcame it so He could overcome anything, even heavy traffic and blinding lights. The only issue was, was I going to allow the hand that grabbed me out of the chaos I was in to lead me once again, truly and sure, or was I going to pull back and demand stubbornly, I would lead myself.

I allowed the hand to lead me. He lead me beside the still waters. . .

He restored my soul. . .

Honestly, I can say I have never said this words more truly and passionately as I do know. Because they are burned upon my heart and my very life feels that more then I ever have.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

I have finally come home. .

My depression is gone. The darkness in which I wandered is gone. I am not longer wandering in traffic.

I am being lead by a wonderful and loving Shepherd. He went looking for a lost, wounded lamb, and did not give up until He found it. I have been found.

I have finally come home. . .

I am home. . .

Thank you dear Jesus!

Finding the Truth in the Word, and in my heart.

February 26 John 1:19-34 Psalm 2

Yesterday night was a bit of a hassle with my soul, as I missed the Wednesday service. I really needed some praise and worship in my life yesterday, but my peace of mind came later that night when I was praying a little bit, or I was trying to. My DVD player stopped playing so I just relaxed in silence while reading my new book. It is called “Overcoming the Enemy” by Charles Stanley. It was about discovering God’s plan for winning Spiritual battles. I got into Chapter two when I relaxed so much I fell asleep, which was really unusually for me, as uptight as I was last night. IT was a God send for me. I had a lovely night’s sleep.

I woke up this morning refreshed and ready to go with reading my Bible and praying. :o)

John 1:19-34

A Voice in the Wilderness

19 Now this is the testimony of John, when the Jews sent priests and Levites from Jerusalem to ask him, “Who are you?” 20 He confessed, and did not deny, but confessed, “I am not the Christ.”
21 And they asked him, “What then? Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the Prophet?”
And he answered, “No.” 22 Then they said to him, “Who are you, that we may give an answer to those who sent us? What do you say about yourself?” 23 He said: “I am

The voice of one crying in the wilderness:

Make straight the way of the LORD,”’
as the prophet Isaiah said.”

I believe that John was the messenger sent to prepare the way for the Messiah.
John the Baptist had a strong character and confidence before the priests and Levites from Jereusalem to declare he wasn’t who they thought he was, and bold enough to state what his role was in God’s Kingdom.

I hope to have the confidence and the boldness of John the Baptist when I proclaim the Good News to others.

24 Now those who were sent were from the Pharisees. 25 And they asked him, saying, “Why then do you baptize if you are not the Christ, nor Elijah, nor the Prophet?”
26 John answered them, saying, “I baptize with water, but there stands One among you whom you do not know. 27 It is He who, coming after me, is preferred before me, whose sandal strap I am not worthy to loose.” 28 These things were done in Bethabara beyond the Jordan, where John was baptizing.

Wow, it must have been amazing for John to state that the Messiah was among them and none of them realized it but him. To have Jesus, the Son of God, walking in the midst, experiences life as we lived it. It is very humbling to know that Jesus, left his Throne in Heaven, to walk among us.

To think of that is mind boggling, to think Jesus cared enough for me, you and everyone that he sacrificed so much just for us.

I know I am not worthy as a sinful human to unloosen his sandal strap, but only by his precious blood that he shed at Calvary, as I am worthy to stand before Father God.

The Lamb of God

29 The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world! 30 This is He of whom I said, ‘After me comes a Man who is preferred before me, for He was before me.’ 31 I did not know Him; but that He should be revealed to Israel, therefore I came baptizing with water.” 32 And John bore witness, saying, “I saw the Spirit descending from heaven like a dove, and He remained upon Him. 33 I did not know Him, but He who sent me to baptize with water said to me, ‘Upon whom you see the Spirit descending, and remaining on Him, this is He who baptizes with the Holy Spirit.’ 34 And I have seen and testified that this is the Son of God.”

I believe Jesus is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world

John knew then the Messiah stepped forth, but I wonder how many were in the crowd that saw what John saw that day. Did any that were there hunger for the Kingdom of God as John did. Did any of them feel within their hearts that this person that stepped forth, who was Jesus, was special. Did their hearts speak to them and tell them it was their Messiah standing there? Some day I will ask God these questions and I know all my questions will be answered.

I believe God the Father confirmed that Jesus is the Savior of the world when the Holy Spirit descended and rested upon him after his baptism.

During this time, I like to imagine what it might have been like to be in the crowd and follow Jesus as His ministry grew. Would I have been an skeptic or would have my heart proclaimed the true to my soul, when I saw Jesus? As my heart yearns for Jesus, I want to believe I would have known as soon as John the Baptist proclaimed it.

My mind might not have wanted to believe it because it is rationalizes by human standards, but the heart, the soul knows and believes sometimes what the mind can comprehend. That is how I know there is a God. I believe because the fiber of my being tells me so, even though my mind logically tries at times to disprove His existence.

Psalm 2

This psalm helps me focus on it is not the places, the kingdoms of this world that I should focus on, because all things of this Earth, will fall away int time.

The Messiah’s Triumph and Kingdom

1 Why do the nations rage,
And the people plot a vain thing?
2 The kings of the earth set themselves,
And the rulers take counsel together,
Against the LORD and against His Anointed, saying,
3 “Let us break Their bonds in pieces
And cast away Their cords from us.”

All around me, I see the world raging and taking over other countries. I see people caught up in the vanities of being the King of the Hill, as others are trampled underneath. I have even see lately in the news how Countries around the world have denied the Kingdom of God and His Messiah, Jesus. I am watching those people try to tear down what God controls. I know that God is in control.

I know that the Lord scoffs at the human attempts to overthrow His kingship.

4 He who sits in the heavens shall laugh;
The Lord shall hold them in derision.
5 Then He shall speak to them in His wrath,
And distress them in His deep displeasure:
6 “Yet I have set My King
On My holy hill of Zion.”

May the Word of God always be my shining light in this world. I hope that my heart always remains true as the world around me doubts My God. And when my God acts upon His displeasure to those that scorn him and do not believe in Him, may I always pray for those unbelievers so they might see the truth.


7 “I will declare the decree:
The LORD has said to Me,
‘You are My Son,
Today I have begotten You.
8 Ask of Me, and I will give You
The nations for Your inheritance,
And the ends of the earth for Your possession.
9 You shall break them with a rod of iron;
You shall dash them to pieces like a potter’s vessel.’”

I am child of God and My God is my Father. As a child would ask of their father, all I have to do is ask and He will provide. He has granted me many blessings, and He wants me to prosper, for it is right as a child of God. It is my inheritance!

One of my friend told me once, a cub of the Lion, and that makes me a Lion as well, as that in itself is powerful, because sometimes I forget that I am child of God and the rights that come with it. I should never forget that!

I want to be more like David for yearn for the Heart of God and to do His will in his life.

I want to be more like John the Baptist, who was bold and strong in proclaiming the coming of God’s Kingdom. I want to be bold and strong in this world and share the Gospel with others.

I want to be more like Jesus who was compassionate to all and had His heart and mind and soul only for you, God. I want to be like that always.

10 Now therefore, be wise, O kings;
Be instructed, you judges of the earth.
11 Serve the LORD with fear,
And rejoice with trembling.
12 Kiss the Son, lest He be angry,
And you perish in the way,
When His wrath is kindled but a little.
Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.

Lord, allow all that I do, be in the wisdom in which You give me. May the Lord always instruct me in the ways I should act upon and do within my employment. I hope that I shall always serve God with fear, that He knows all and my ungodly actions will be seen maybe not by man, but will always be seen by God.

I praise God that it is He that keeps my pathways straight and my mind pure in a World that is wild and ungodly. I put my trust in God and His son, Jesus and not in the worldly kings in which I live.

I serve the Lord with fear and rejoicing because he is King of all.

I submit of God’s Son and find protection in Him

Daniel's Prayer Daniel 9:4-19

This is a lengthy prayer and I am very tired, so I will resume discussing what that prayer tells me when I read it. I must not fall behind on reading or writing or I won’t catch up.

Tomorrow I will be reading and studying John 1:35-51 (Word) Psalm 5 (Praise) and David's Prayer for Protection Psalm 3 (Prayer)

I have to say with much rejoicing and gladness that I have found my place back with God. I realized earlier today that my faith in God has been restored and I knew it wouldn’t take long. The Word of God and what God does in my life daily, is proof enough for me that He is there. I don’t have to always understand why things happen in my life the way they do. I just have to have faith and trust in my Father God. And at times, a stumble on the path of my faith, but God is patience with me, and when I do fall, He does help me up, weather I acknowledge it or not. He is there.

And for that, I am very, very thankful and blessed by His presence in my life.

God bless

Walking slow, but sure

February 25, 2009 John 1:1-18, Psalm 1, Genesis 18: 23-33

Today is the first day of the Lenten Season. It usually is a time of reflection for me with the Lord, but this year it is going to be very hard to me to do, since I am struggling with my faith and trying to understand a loss of a friendship. I know from past experiences that focusing on the Lord will do me good. I just know it is going to be a very hard at times both physical and emotional because I will be focusing and allowing God to work within me. At this point in time, I am just so confused about various things that I don't know what direction to take. I will just have to take it day by day, and believe that Lord with strengthen me on this journey I am taking. I have to be honest to say that the loss of a friendship, which I took to be very special has rocked my faith to the core in a manner that I have been struggling with my faith ever since.

John 1:1-18

The Eternal Word

John 1: 1-5

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.

I Believe Jesus Christ, the eternal Word, existed with God and was God. I believe Jesus created everything there is.

It is amazing and wonderful that Jesus was and is the life and light for man. Many of us have walked in the darkness, wondering if we will ever see the light. Jesus is the Eternal Word, which the Book of John clearly states that “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God”


John’s Witness: The True Light

John 1: 6-13

6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7 This man came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all through him might believe. 8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. 9 That was the true Light which gives light to every man coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. 11 He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. 12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: 13 who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

I sometimes ponder upon John's duty to be the scout for the Lord, that was to come. John's life must have been very hard, living frugally as well as always being focused on the eyes of God, so that way he might complete his task that the Father God gave him. I wonder if I could have been able to be so focused. At times just focusing on reading my Bible everyday can be hard.


John went forth to be a witness for the Lord that was coming. Could I be more like John during this Lenten Season. During the following days of Lenten, will I have the strength to proclaim the Glory of Jesus and what He did so we might live? At this point of time, as I write this, I have to say “No, I don't have the strength” I know it is in my heart and soul that I want to, I yearn to, but it is my flesh that gets in the way at this point. As I walk these 40 days with Jesus, I will learn how to set aside the flesh of my body and allow God to work with the spirit of my soul.

I will try to keep the gift of Salvation on the front part of my mind and heart, as I walk, and try to be come like John the Baptist. I have recently have been pushing the comfort envelope in regards to spreading the Gospel. I am very much a shy person, so I do not have the daring speaking voice of Billy Graham or John the Baptist, yet I do try to lay down pathways to the Lord by creative ways of sharing the Gospel.

I have written Salvation Scriptures on post it notes, along with a encouraging sticker and left them around the places I go, when I am running errands for the office I work at. It is a step for me, as well as maybe a huge step for someone who finds it in their time of need. The world is so filled with pain and confusion that, many lost people are in need of a Saviour. The world needs Jesus.

I will focus on become more like John the Baptist

The Word Becomes Flesh

John 1:14-17

14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.
15 John bore witness of Him and cried out, saying, “This was He of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me is preferred before me, for He was before me.’”
16 And of His fullness we have all received, and grace for grace. 17 For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18 No one has seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has declared Him.

I have been given the right to become a child of God because I have believed Jesus and accepted him as my Lord and Savior. It is a gift that was freely given and freely accepted.

My mind at times can't wrap around the fact that Jesus would love us so much, that he would leave his throne in Heaven, so that we might not walk in darkness, but come to Him and receive his gift of Salvation and walk in the light with Him.

I believe that Jesus, as God the Father's only son, became human to reveal God's glory to humanity and to save us from our sinful nature.

I have benefited from the rich and gracious blessings brought by the acceptance of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

Psalm 1

I am reflecting on Psalm 1 during my walk with Jesus this Lenten Season. Psalm 1 is a reflection of a person to walk a more righteous path, and only with our Saviour, Jesus, are we going to be able to achieve that status and build a more loving relationship with the Father God.

The Way of the Righteous and the End of the Ungodly

1 Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;

I do not follow and will not take the advice of the wicked or ungodly individuals or join in with them.

Walking the Christian walk can be very hard at times. It means not associating with unbelievers, in order to remain focused and clear of any back sliding. I know as a strong believer myself, that I have to be very careful about those I hang out with, because they are the gateway to sin for me. They might lead me astray in ways that I do not want to go in, but are lead that way due to my poor ability to take action and walk away. I always has to remember to be very picky about where I allow myself, both mentally and physical go in this world.

Remember that in Matthew 7:13-14 Jesus said, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

Being a Christian, might be hard and lonely, but I must always remember that I am walking on the right path. On the path with God.

2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.

I will enjoy a fruitful life with the Lord because I delight in the Lord's word and I will obey Him

I find myself delighting in the Word of the Lord, because it is filled with Light and hope. Always in times of great joy or in times of great trouble, I have always found my heart skipping along the verses of the Word that comforts, refreshed and renews me. The Word of the Lord is like living water, it always quenches the thirsty soul.

3 He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.

Walking with the Lord and following His Word is life giving all to partake in it. It always gives when it is needed, and never steals. Faith might be very hard at times, but it is because in order to bear “good” fruit takes work, and God wants us to make sure we know, in times of stress or hardship, He has not stepped aside to allow us to wither, but to learn how to become stronger in the windstorms of Life.

4 The ungodly are not so,
But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.

Even thought I might see the wicked and the ungodly prosper in some way or another, it is not of God and I must always remember it will not last, because what is not of God will not last. Only God is unchanging.

5 Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.

I must remember that God will separate the goats from the sheep, and will not allow the ungodly and the sinners to have a place among this children. God will only recognize the ones that have recognized His only Son, Jesus as Savior, and Lord. We are made righteous in God's sight by the blood of Jesus, who washes away all sin.

6 For the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the ungodly shall perish.

I have reassurance that God knows everything that happens to me, even though this world I live in might not recognize the wrongs done to me. God watches out for my pathways and makes them clear, as long as I walk along with him. If I would stray from God's side, my walk might become hard and burdensome, in a manner, which only God could relieve Jesus has said in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” I know that only by allowing God to work with me and within me, am I able to be released of any burden I might carry with me.

During this 40 day walk with Jesus, I hope to remember that only when I step away from God, do I lose that blessing of rest and release from the World

Genesis 18:23-33 (Prayer)

Abraham asked to God if He would destroy the righteous with the wicked even if there was only 50 righteous people within the city of Sodom. In response, God said he would not. Abraham asked until he got down to only 10 righteous people within that horrible town that God wanted to destroy. May I always be reminded of Abraham and his intercession of the those that have fallen away from God's path. May I also always be reminded that as a child of God, I must be intercessor for my family and friends that are in need. It is my power of prayer and my title as a Child of God that allows me to sit before the Throne of God, and share my concerns for those that I love.

Abraham was bold in asking God. He had no fear, but confidence in that the Lord would hear him. It is all I can do, is be confident as a Child of God that the Lord will hear and answer, in His own time. I must always remember that Jesus said in John 16:23-24 “And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. 24 Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."

All I have to remember is to ask and share with My father and He will provide.

Today the focus is to be witness more like John the Baptist, be more focused on God and his ways like that person in Psalm 1, and be bold in prayer to my Father, like Abraham.

I am praying for My mother, that she might seek Jesus and find Salvation, for my friend, K, who might turn back toward that Lord and walk with him, and for my friend, P, who in her grief, knows and feels the loving hands of the Father hugging her in her time of need.

Tomorrow I will be reading John 1:19-34 (Word) Psalm 2 (Praise) and Daniel 9:4-19 (Prayer)

God bless

The countdown

Today is the last day before Lent. To Catholics it is known as Shrove Tuesday or Fat Tuesday, in which a person indulges in all the wonderful things that they will be giving up. Mardi Gras (French for Fat Tuesday) is well know to all, in which people seep themselves into decadent things such as food and other Earthly pleasures.

Even thought I am no longer a practicing Catholic and have walked away from those beliefs, the practice of observing Lent is something I have retained from my old life. Lent has always been a time for deep reflection of my relationship with God and how Jesus suffered, died and arose so I might have life.

Growing up, I knew of Jesus. As most Catholics, we focused more of the crucified Christ, then the arisen one. Why is that? I don't rightly know, but I just know that within my Catholic upbringing, we focused on Jesus on the Cross and less of the arisen one. I am not saying it is right or wrong. I am just saying that it showed how I outwardly looked at things. As a Catholic I focused on pain and suffering, where as a Born Again Christian, I now focus more upon the freedom of pain and suffering because Jesus arose!

My favorite lyrics as of late, are the ones from the Hope song in the Easter Carol.

There is nothing left to fear
nothing Heaven knows
For he died for us to give us life
and to give us hope He rose

Those words really hit me deep when I think about them. “For He died for us to give us life” and “To give us hope, He rose” Those words could not express more deeply that wonderful statement.

That is the reason why for the next 40 days I will be reflecting my relationship with Jesus, while I read the Book of John and various Psalms, as well as various prayers in the Bible. I will focused on the deeper meaning of Walking with Christ and how it affects my life and how I see things around me. As I have been quite morose lately, I think this walk will be a joyful one at times, and hopeful I will be able to surpass any depression or loneliness that I have been feeling. My focus at this point in time is just one day at a time. I know that is all God asks of me.

This walk that I am going to be partaking is not one that I am easily doing at this time, due to my recent heartache, but I know it will be for the best, as it will allow me to move closer to God, set my priorities right with Him as well as allow me to see more clearly on what God's plan is in my life. (I hope!)

Also during this time I will focus on a couple of my friends in prayer at this time, so that I might reach out an help them in some way. I pray for various people everyday, but at times, praying for my friends can be sidelined due to how I am feeling at times. It is typical to be human like that, but I want to do what I can.

I ordered 3 books the other day that I will be trying to read at the same time during my 40 days of Lent. Of course, I won't get them until probably next week, but I still want to make an effort to read, reflect and learn from this walk.

I ordered:

1. The Love Dare

I read somewhere online that reading this book might be very good to do during the Lenten season. Of course, I have my druthers about doing so, since I am currently single, but it was not my choice, so anything regarding love is very irritating to my heart due to the feelings I still have for him. But then again, Lenten isn't about my person gain in the prospects of love, but the path way that Jesus walked so I might be free. It is about His ultimate love for us as humans and how He wanted us to have life with His Father, God. I thought by reading the Love Dare, it will show me a deeper meaning of Jesus' love for us and how I might learn to love the people around me better then I do.

2. The Crucifixion of Jesus, Second Edition, Completely Revised and Expanded: A Forensic Inquiry

I think I had a book like this long time ago, which I always read during the Lenten Season because it really made me focus on the crucifixion in a way that I needed to understand it. Being raised Catholic, the religion glorified the crucifixion in everything, but they really failed to make it known how powerful, how horrible and how life changing something like a crucifixion is. By reading this book, all-cleaned up-lovely-for-Hollywood-looks were torn apart and I could truly understand what my Saviour wen through. I borrowed it out to another Born Again Christian to share with his father and I never got it back. So it is either this book or A Doctor at Calvary The Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ that I once owned.

Of course, I haven't seen the Passion of the Christ yet, but I do own it. I bought it last year to watch Friday before Easter, but I was not up to at the time, so it still sits in its wrapped up package. I might watch it this year.

3. A Doctor at Calvary The Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ

If the book I once had is this one and not the other one “The Crucifixion of Jesus, Second Edition, Completely Revised and Expanded: A Forensic Inquiry” I can remember what the cover looked like, but either of the newest books I ordered had the same cover. I am hoping that I owned the first Edition to the book “The crucifixion of Jesus”. Only when I open the book and start reading it, will I know if it is or not.

Tomorrow I will be reading and focusing on John 1:1-18 (Word), Psalm 1(Praise) and Abraham’s Intercession for Sodom & Gomorrah Genesis 18:23-33 (Prayer)

Lately, I have been fighting with myself about reading my Bible and believing in God's promises, due to my minor setback in my life. I hope that by reading and reflecting each day what God has put before me, that sense of doubt in God and where I want to be in His ultimate plan will be settled and at peace for once for a while. I know that by doing this, I can only prosper from soaking my heart and soul in the Word and help me gain the confidence I once had in God. A lot of thing have happened in order to shake my faith, but I know the foundation of God in my life are still strong, because I placed my faith and love on the Rock.

“The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.” -Psalm 18:2

I am just feeling unsteady because I don't understand the things that are happening around me so therefore, I am fearful of the uncertainty of it all. I hope that also at the end of this 2009 Lenten Season that I have found myself stronger and more confident in the Lord, as well as learned how to repair and strengthen my relationship with my family and friends. As well as learn to let go of those dear friendships that are no more.

“In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.”-Psalm 62:7

In all, I know I will learn how to trust in God more then I have in the last couple months, and learn to give all my problems to Him (and not snatch them back out of fear of them not being fixed or that He isn't pay enough attention to my needs). May this Lenten Season teach me more then just walking close to God, but to have more patience in His planning in my life. I think that this walk is going to be a rough one for me right now, because I really don't want to do it, but the deeper part of me, knows I have to do it, because my heart still yearns to be by my Father's side, no matter how hurt I am right now.

Tomorrow is going to be the first couple steps toward the miles of a long journey. At least I know I will be in good company during the journey. I know God will be patient with my grumpiness, and stubborn attitude I might develop during this long walk.

God bless,

By Your Side

Jesus is always with us. He is always by our side. This is one of my favorite songs, that I love to listen to when my world seems to lose its true focus. GOD It helps me not become blind to the world around me and see that Shepherd is walking beside me when I do lose sight of Him.

"And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you"

Jesus did so much for us. At times it is hard for me to comprehend that Jesus DIED for me and my sinfulness. He knew I would need Him. He knew that I would cry out to Him. Jesus loved me enough to sacrifice everything, His life, so I might live and come home to my Father. Thank you Jesus. Thank you so very very much.

"Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life"

I LOVE you Jesus.