The countdown

Today is the last day before Lent. To Catholics it is known as Shrove Tuesday or Fat Tuesday, in which a person indulges in all the wonderful things that they will be giving up. Mardi Gras (French for Fat Tuesday) is well know to all, in which people seep themselves into decadent things such as food and other Earthly pleasures.

Even thought I am no longer a practicing Catholic and have walked away from those beliefs, the practice of observing Lent is something I have retained from my old life. Lent has always been a time for deep reflection of my relationship with God and how Jesus suffered, died and arose so I might have life.

Growing up, I knew of Jesus. As most Catholics, we focused more of the crucified Christ, then the arisen one. Why is that? I don't rightly know, but I just know that within my Catholic upbringing, we focused on Jesus on the Cross and less of the arisen one. I am not saying it is right or wrong. I am just saying that it showed how I outwardly looked at things. As a Catholic I focused on pain and suffering, where as a Born Again Christian, I now focus more upon the freedom of pain and suffering because Jesus arose!

My favorite lyrics as of late, are the ones from the Hope song in the Easter Carol.

There is nothing left to fear
nothing Heaven knows
For he died for us to give us life
and to give us hope He rose

Those words really hit me deep when I think about them. “For He died for us to give us life” and “To give us hope, He rose” Those words could not express more deeply that wonderful statement.

That is the reason why for the next 40 days I will be reflecting my relationship with Jesus, while I read the Book of John and various Psalms, as well as various prayers in the Bible. I will focused on the deeper meaning of Walking with Christ and how it affects my life and how I see things around me. As I have been quite morose lately, I think this walk will be a joyful one at times, and hopeful I will be able to surpass any depression or loneliness that I have been feeling. My focus at this point in time is just one day at a time. I know that is all God asks of me.

This walk that I am going to be partaking is not one that I am easily doing at this time, due to my recent heartache, but I know it will be for the best, as it will allow me to move closer to God, set my priorities right with Him as well as allow me to see more clearly on what God's plan is in my life. (I hope!)

Also during this time I will focus on a couple of my friends in prayer at this time, so that I might reach out an help them in some way. I pray for various people everyday, but at times, praying for my friends can be sidelined due to how I am feeling at times. It is typical to be human like that, but I want to do what I can.

I ordered 3 books the other day that I will be trying to read at the same time during my 40 days of Lent. Of course, I won't get them until probably next week, but I still want to make an effort to read, reflect and learn from this walk.

I ordered:

1. The Love Dare

I read somewhere online that reading this book might be very good to do during the Lenten season. Of course, I have my druthers about doing so, since I am currently single, but it was not my choice, so anything regarding love is very irritating to my heart due to the feelings I still have for him. But then again, Lenten isn't about my person gain in the prospects of love, but the path way that Jesus walked so I might be free. It is about His ultimate love for us as humans and how He wanted us to have life with His Father, God. I thought by reading the Love Dare, it will show me a deeper meaning of Jesus' love for us and how I might learn to love the people around me better then I do.

2. The Crucifixion of Jesus, Second Edition, Completely Revised and Expanded: A Forensic Inquiry

I think I had a book like this long time ago, which I always read during the Lenten Season because it really made me focus on the crucifixion in a way that I needed to understand it. Being raised Catholic, the religion glorified the crucifixion in everything, but they really failed to make it known how powerful, how horrible and how life changing something like a crucifixion is. By reading this book, all-cleaned up-lovely-for-Hollywood-looks were torn apart and I could truly understand what my Saviour wen through. I borrowed it out to another Born Again Christian to share with his father and I never got it back. So it is either this book or A Doctor at Calvary The Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ that I once owned.

Of course, I haven't seen the Passion of the Christ yet, but I do own it. I bought it last year to watch Friday before Easter, but I was not up to at the time, so it still sits in its wrapped up package. I might watch it this year.

3. A Doctor at Calvary The Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ

If the book I once had is this one and not the other one “The Crucifixion of Jesus, Second Edition, Completely Revised and Expanded: A Forensic Inquiry” I can remember what the cover looked like, but either of the newest books I ordered had the same cover. I am hoping that I owned the first Edition to the book “The crucifixion of Jesus”. Only when I open the book and start reading it, will I know if it is or not.

Tomorrow I will be reading and focusing on John 1:1-18 (Word), Psalm 1(Praise) and Abraham’s Intercession for Sodom & Gomorrah Genesis 18:23-33 (Prayer)

Lately, I have been fighting with myself about reading my Bible and believing in God's promises, due to my minor setback in my life. I hope that by reading and reflecting each day what God has put before me, that sense of doubt in God and where I want to be in His ultimate plan will be settled and at peace for once for a while. I know that by doing this, I can only prosper from soaking my heart and soul in the Word and help me gain the confidence I once had in God. A lot of thing have happened in order to shake my faith, but I know the foundation of God in my life are still strong, because I placed my faith and love on the Rock.

“The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.” -Psalm 18:2

I am just feeling unsteady because I don't understand the things that are happening around me so therefore, I am fearful of the uncertainty of it all. I hope that also at the end of this 2009 Lenten Season that I have found myself stronger and more confident in the Lord, as well as learned how to repair and strengthen my relationship with my family and friends. As well as learn to let go of those dear friendships that are no more.

“In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.”-Psalm 62:7

In all, I know I will learn how to trust in God more then I have in the last couple months, and learn to give all my problems to Him (and not snatch them back out of fear of them not being fixed or that He isn't pay enough attention to my needs). May this Lenten Season teach me more then just walking close to God, but to have more patience in His planning in my life. I think that this walk is going to be a rough one for me right now, because I really don't want to do it, but the deeper part of me, knows I have to do it, because my heart still yearns to be by my Father's side, no matter how hurt I am right now.

Tomorrow is going to be the first couple steps toward the miles of a long journey. At least I know I will be in good company during the journey. I know God will be patient with my grumpiness, and stubborn attitude I might develop during this long walk.

God bless,