Wednesday, June 17, 2009

God's treasures now laying in His hands


This morning as I was praying, I was laying my earthly treasures, the people I love, before the Lord in faith and trust I was reminded me something I did a couple days ago.



Just a couple days ago I was explaining to a young woman about something that God shared with me some weeks ago. It was about treasures. The original revelation was about 2 weeks ago, when I was talking to Phil, when God showed me "Treasures"


We have treasures in our lives. Our treasures are the people that we love. All treasures are long lasting but only some are present our whole lifetime and other treasures are only with us a short while. As I was explaining this to Phil why I wasn't depressed or upset and how God touched my heart so deeply. God showed me that even thought I am depressed about the particulars in my life, I have really not lost. I still have the treasures that I have been grieving that I have lost forever.


It was very hard to address a very sensitive issue without causing any wanted pain. I told Phil that even that he lost his 3 year old daughter, a very precious jewel, 6 years ago he really never lost her. She is still in his treasure chest, and she remains there for him to always look at. Her time to be out of the special resting place had ended and God placed her in Phil's treasure chest for safe keeping. I went on to explain, the same was true of my Gram, even the jewel that was my love for Travis, once our relationship had ended. The jewels of their lives were still there, just placed for safe keeping in my treasure chest.


What ever the purpose, some jewels are no longer present in the daily showing of their beauty, such as Phil's young daughter. God's purpose for that small jewel had been accomplished and it was His that called her home, and the jewel was placed in a safe keeping.


This piece of scripture really hits home to me from what God shared with me that day.


Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. Matthew 6:20-21

It is those treasures are in the treasure chest of your heart, as well as in God's hands. So when I pray for those that I love, I always tell my Father God that I am laying my treasure in His hands, because He knows as I do know now, how precious they really are.


My heart is no longer heavy with the loss of friendships, or loves. I am not saddened by the death of loved ones. I am joyful because I have not lost them. They are still my treasures. They are just in the safe keeping of my Lord. As well, no matter what, what might befall my precious treasures, I know with all my heart that the Joy of the Lord is my strength.


Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

So I was explaining this to a young woman the other day as she was grieving over the loss of a dear friendship. I told her, she still have the treasure in that friendship. That she always would. It just possible it will never been held as closely as the past, but only as a jewel never to be taken out of the treasure chest that God placed there. We won't know the reasoning or why, but we must have peace in it.


I can really see this as a jewel itself among my own jewels in my own treasure chest.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:


2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;


3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;


4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;


5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;


6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;


7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;


8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.


Each treasure has a purpose, and has a time for it to shine. We just must understand and have peace with those treasures that we have had to give up because their timeline for their period of glory has run its course according to God's will.


Have peace. . .


You have not lost your treasures. . .


They are only in a different place for safe keeping. . .


The treasure chest of one's heart.


Have peace. Be still and know He is God.


And you will see those treasures still shining and sparkling.



Friday, June 12, 2009

Rocks to Jewels only with God's hands


Today I was thinking about all the hardships I might have to face in the near future. Doctor's appointments (which I hate) tests, unknown results, moving, etc, etc. As I was thinking about the various things coming my way and I was walking and saw this particular rock and picked it up. Ha ha ha. Anyone that knows me well, would laugh and not be surprized that my mind goes to rocks.


I love rocks for some reason. I have had people look at me funny when I said that I pick up rocks when they call to me. I said that the other day, and a friend of Christy just looked at me like I was crazy and asked "Rocks talk to you?" I told him, "NO! I just get a feeling that the rock is special in someway because what it looks like. Some are pretty to look at. Some are unsual. Some are just plain, but it reflects something in my life that I might have to learn how. I know it seems odd, but I am not reading into the rocks or anything. I just really like rocks for some reason. I always have. It is part of my personality. And God knows that.


As I was going to say, I remember reading at one time about two different articles of 5 stones of faith. One was very Catholic: Prayer, Fasting, Mass/Church ( since I am no longer a practicing Catholic, ha ha ha. . .not a Catholic at all anymore. I changed it to Church), Bible and Confession. I gleaned the right information from it and discarded the rest.


The other one was based on the 5 stones of David, which I loved so I really allowed that to sink in. Those 5 stones were: Faith, Obedience, Service, Prayer and the gift of the Holy Spirit. The article is here: http://www.byui.edu/Presentations/transcripts/devotionals/2001_07_10_mcgary.htm


The other article I will not post, because since I am no longer a Catholic, I will not subject people to reading something that might lead them astray, possibly confuse them or even judge me to not be a true born again Christian. At least I can see a glimmer of truth within all the statements that other Catholics post. And it was this such article, that stressed particular focuses, which was which were some main points in Jesus' teachings so I gleaned what God wanted me to use when I read it.


But again, I regress it wasn't the reason why I picked up the rock. It was what God moved in my heart to pick up the rock and what He was trying to show me. This is what He wanted me to see.


As you can see in the photo, the rock I picked up, I could see that it was very jagged and uneven. It doesn't have much beauty in it, but yet, it still has its place, its purpose in many ways.


God molds us, shapes us and hones us with hardships and tribulations. It is what I saw in the rock. It is harsh looking and ragged, but with God's polish, it can be made into a very beautiful jewel. I am very much like that rock is so many ways. I am harsh looking with my stubborn-ness and from the inside, I am ragged and broken, but God is working on me. Honing and shaping me.


God is the blacksmith that is trying hard to shape the iron within my heart and soul, so I can become the jewel He sees in me.


The best that the rock shows me is 1 Peter 1:7


These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:7


The rock is me. It doesn't look pretty at all, but it symbolizes my inward spiritual appearance. It is rugged, harsh, enough to cut a person that grabs it or steps on it. It's underside is flat and unmoving, which is very much like my stubborn-ness which is very unmoving, unless I want to. The rock has different shades, and mixtures of things like it as if it was conglomorated with cement with various minerals and pices of matter. My personality is very much like that and from an outward glance, might not seem very pretty at all, but God knows the jewel that housed in it. An uncut jewel will be passed up by many, because only a master gemstone cutter, will see past the ruggedness and flaws that it shows on the surface.


God is a master gemstone cutter. He knows just the right chip and cut to make a person's personality and heart to shine forth as He made it. We are all born rocks . Ha ha ha. Rocks! Some of us never see the jewel inside that God formed us before we were born and who we would become when we are born. He sees the hidden jewel, the hidden sparkle like a geode. And if we allow Him, he will polish, cut, shine and chip away at our plain, rugged surface, in order to reveal the beautiful jewel that we are .


So that rock that I picked up, showed me what God was doing to me and had been doing to me for so long. Only now, I am to see what God sees in me, and I am slowly changing the shape of my personality, the shape of my rock, with the help of Jesus.


Hardships are what they are: HARD ships. Things that are never easy to handled or deal with. Very much like rugged rocks. But I like to recall one piece of scripture that does help me hang on.


Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 2:3


Paul was a very harsh rock in this world, before Jesus got ahold of him and made him a very precious jewel to God. So if Paul can have faith to see it through, the hardship of the molding, melting, chipping, cutting and purifing of his heart and soul in the hands of God, then I can withstand my transformation as well.


How the world sees me does not matter anymore. What matters to me is how God sees me and how I can submit myself to His loving hands so He can beauify me in a way only He can.


So you might see an ugly, harsh rock, but in God's eyes, I am a shining, beautiful, and captivating jewel. The wonderful thing is, you are as well. A jewel in this world, which the world sees only as a rock.


I am not passing up a treasure I see in you. :o)

Friday, June 5, 2009

Stages of Faith: the limited and the unfailing


Last night I after a very busy day both mentally and physically, I sat laid down and grabbed my Bible. I opened it and wondered what God wanted me to read. I originally opened it up to the Book of Job, but since I am no longer suffering with depression, my heart felt I needed something a bit more gripping at the moment.


I flipped through and my eye caught on Mark 5:21-43 And as I lay there relaxing, God spoke to me through His Word.


As I read, I noticed that Jairus, the one of the synagogue rulers, fell at Jesus' feet pleading with him to heal his young daughter that was dying. This man believed that Jesus could heal his daughter. His belief ranged that she was dying and if He would just lay His hand upon her, she would heal and live.


And in a span of moments, I knew the story well, because I had read it before many times, but never saw it as I saw it now.


It was the words


And pleaded earnestly with him, "My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live" Mark 5:23


I realized that his man believe that Jesus could heal his daughter because she was still alive and he was earnestly was moving the Lord to come and come quickly to work His miracle. It dawned on me that Jairus' faith might have been as limited because he felt that Jesus could only work while the small child was alive.


It made me wonder about that for a moment when I looked back at my own faith and how I limited Jesus' power in my life. How many times myself I have I said to myself to God to please do something before it is too late. It makes me really wonder. Is it ever too late for God to work miracles in my life?


The next part of the story always has touched me deeply both humorously and sincerely. A woman that who had been subjected to twelve years of some issue of blood, which she suffered a great deal. The Scripture talks about how she had been under the care of many doctors and spend all she while looking for a healing. In Jesus' time, any issue of blood would have made her unclean by Jewish standards. I can't understand the stress and the possible heartache she must have felt emotionally as she tried to find relief physically from her malady.


It is her statment that shows she unfailing faith, a type of faith that some Christian lack.


Because she thought "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed" Mark 5: 28


She believed that Jesus could heal her! She belief moved her to reach out, no matter that there where a crowd a people around Jesus. Her belief was unfailing. It moved her


I asked myself last night. Do I have that type of belief of the woman with the issue of blood or I am more like Jarius. I have to say that my faith has waned and I have been in both spots in my life.


I know right now, as just a less then a week ago, God worked His miracle in my life, very much like Jairus. In the past months, I begged Jesus to help me with my depression and my unhappiness that racked my heart. I asked earnestly for Him to come and save the frail heart that was seemlying at the point of death. That is how I felt. I felt like I was dying inside, and knew if Jesus would just come to me, I could be healed.


Just like Jairus, I had to wait impatiently as he did yet I was just as fearful. I begged for Jesus to move, but just like with Jairus, Jesus had other plans with me. And I had to see things, expierence things before He lifted my depression. The one thing I had to experience most of all, was total brokenness so that I was more pliable in the Lord's hands to do His work, rather then my own. It is a very hard thing to live with, brokenness.


That words I say next I don't say lightly, I only say them because I understand, but I don't condone what people do when they seem like they have no more options to stop the pain they feel. I can understand how a person would want to take their life when they are so very depressed. It seems that it is the only option they have. No person can fix or heal the pain that touches that heart which is hurting. Everyone hurts for various reasons, and deals with coping with pain differently. Some people have poor coping skills, which cause they to take a more permanent solution to a temporary problem. It all comes down to how a person copes with pain.


In the pain I felt with my depression, I gripped the one thing that helped me cope. I knew if I ever let go, I would be lost even more then I was. I never let go of Jesus.


I laugh at it now, because the darkness as passed but I can see myself clinging to Jesus' robe like a pitbull latched on to the padded arm of a dog warden. My jaw was set and locked tight, I wasn't letting go. Even in my depression, my stubborness reared its ugly head, but in a way that saved me. In a way that healed me. It showed my faith in the Lord. Just as the woman with the issue of blood, I knew the power of Jesus' blood. I knew He could soothe my pains and heal my wounds. I just had to wait it out impatiently as Jairus.


When I said humorously about the woman with the issue of blood, I said that because way back in 1997 when I first got saved, I remember reading about how Jesus asked his disciples about who had touched him. I just laughed because I could see that Jesus was surrounded by a large crowd of people, that His statment seemed almost ridiculous. I laughed because I enjoyed to see that a bit of humor in the situation even thought the crowd was probably very emotionally charged, with Jairus among them worried, and fearful.


That even in an emotional charged situation, such as battling depression -the crying fits, the feeling of hopelessness and the pleads for help, Jesus can bring humor in a light hearted manner that can only make a heart smile with Joy. I know it is hard to explain, but it is stated in the Bible that the things of God are sometimes undescribable by our human standards. We only know what our heart feels. I say a bit of humor, because last Saturday when Jesus changed my life and lifted my depression. He didn't say "Who touched my clothes?" but more like "Do you see what you have done to yourself?" as if I was a very small child, that got scrapped up, bumped around, muddy, scratched, and now I was standing there covered in flith, blood and mud. And when Jesus said it, it wasn't a scolding or punishing, but it was one of sorrow and concern, filled with love and healing. I looked at myself honestly, unblinded by the pain I had felt from others and the world. And at the moment, the depression I felt was lifted and I saw how I had been treated myself and how I looked with all my subborness to lead my own life.


I was the long lost lamb, that Jesus looked for and didn't give up until I was back in his arms. I can smile now and laugh at my stubbornness, because now it seems so silly that I acted the way I did.


I laid in bed last night smiling knowing that a person have to go through learning different types of faith during one's life.


So once after Jesus healed the woman, Jarius so heard the news that he dreaded to hear. "Your daughter is dead" and "Why bother the teacher anymore?"


A wonderful thing happened after that. I am sure Jarius' heart just burst in his heart with pain. He had so much faith that if Jesus would just come to his house, his loved one would be healed. A wonderful thing to hear Jesus' voice say "Don't be afraid; just believe"


How many times does a person have to hear those wonderful words. Not just from our fellow Christians, but from Jesus himself. I believe those are the words that Jesus said to me that Saturday morning when I sat there in my deep sadness and pain. I might have been physically sitting in a chair at my computer, but spiritually I was laying on the ground, crying at the feet of Jesus. He lifted me up, comforted me. And in love, said "Look at yourself" in a manner as if I needed extra care, a spiritual bath of his healing blood to heal and clean my many wounds, and a closeness to feel loved and safe. Just like a lost lamb.


And suddenly, in a blink of an eye, I was changed. The cloud of depression was lifted and I had joy in my heart undescribable.


In Mark 5:38-39. Jesus saw the commotion filled with crying and wailing loudly. He told them the child was not dead.


As I lay on my spiritual floor, I was crying and wailing. I was dead. I felt dead. I felt worst then dead. I knew I was saved, but I still felt dead. How is that? I still ask myself that. It doesn't matter now, but I am sure if I need to know God will enlighten me in time. The only important thing is that Jesus picked me up and reminded me that I wasn't dead, I was just sleeping, just like the daughter of Jairus.


but like Jarius, Jesus also had to show me that He works in His timing, not my own. And it is never too late for Jesus to work with me, once I have been saved. I was a lamb in His flock and He would never abandon me, when I some how lost my way and got lost. The Shepherd will always search and bring back the wayward lamb to His flock.


That like Jarius, I limited my faith in God. I believed that there God could possible only help me during the demanding time of my heart. I was trying to stubbornly get Him to work according to my time. But just like Jarius with the issues of faith, and the death and witnessed resurrection of Lazarus. It shows that Jesus arrives exactly on time, every time. It isn't our time. But His time.


So learned last night that I have limited my faith according to what I saw and felt, as well as I also hard an unfailing faith in the saving grace of my Lord and Saviour. That the Word of God teaches and shows me parts of my own life in the Bible, in a way I had never saw before.


I just have to be still and allow God to speak to me and He will teach me about faith and what I am suppose to learn from it.


Thank you Lord :o)

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Are you waiting to be roadkill?


I know I haven't posted for a long while. Anyone that knows me well, knows that I have been suffering depression and trying to balance other things in my hectic life.


Well, my long hiatus due to depression is over with. I am ready to get back to living my life, in which I have been away from for so long. I want to say 13 years to be truthful, no matter how sad it maybe. Depression can really suck the life out of someone. The sad thing is that that depression I suffered was because of myself and how I was conducting my life. Only my faith in God really pulled me thought, because God was the only one that could reach me where I was going.


I was playing in the traffic of life, and it seems that I was destined to be roadkill. And God saved me from weaving and dodging the oncoming vehicles in this life I was facing.


The world is full of painful things a person must face, and not all advice that we recieve do we take to heart as we should. I was one of those people. I wasn't snubbing my friends advice purposely. I just didn't see what they were trying to tell me. I was blind. Blind of what I was doing to myself.


Each person deals with pain in their own way. My way was shutting down the memories that bought forth the pain and took steps to safe guard the trigger of those memories and pain that came along with it. When I started this process, I was only 23 years old, and now I am 35. It has taken along time to learn from my mistakes. Mistakes I didn't see, so I am hopeful reaching out to prevent someone else from doing the same. The process in which I started, wasn't something that I planned on always keeping active, it just happened that way and in time, I warpped the true reason for it. And it cause me to have great sadness and long standing depression. But using the selective process of closeting memories and preventing any actions that would trigger those feelings of pain and loss, I cut off a part of my personality that might trigger it. One of the deepest cuts to my personality was listening to music and drawing. I stopped doing those because it triggered good memories, which caused my heart to ache and remember my great loss. So for the last 13 years, I cut apart of my personality slowly, but methodically because exboyfriends, friends that had betrayed me, and family hurt me deeply and badly. It was the only thing I could do to cope with what my heart felt. It gave me a way to function while my heart was healing and learning how to live in happiness again.


But instead of happiness, I was causing my own depression, as I cut more and more away from my personality, and become less and less like "me" Only in the last couple months, as the Easter season was approaching, I was grasping on the hem of the Lord, because I felt that I was losing the battle with my depression.


In many words, I was wandering into oncoming traffic, but unable to find my own way out of the blinding lights. I was calling out to the Lord, constantly, but I wasn't hearing His Voice as I had wished I would. I didn't give up, because I knew He was there, even though I didn't feel Him or hear Him.


I was really pushing becoming roadkill on this road of life. It makes me wonder how many other people like myself, both Christian and non Christian alike that are wandering on the road, trying to cross to a better place, only to be blinded and confused by what is rushing for them. I was aware that others were crossing this "road" safely, but for some reason I wasn't move along as fast as I would have like. I was going so slow and I felt that I was just dodging the dangers just bearly each time. It was very time consuming and draining for me. I tried to focus on God, but my eyes were always on the blinding lights coming my way. I fought to get where others were at.


I couldn't find the reason for my depression or unhappiness. I just knew I was struggling and very, unhappy with my life. But the one thing I did know, was that God was my own hope in finding my way.


Now, that I am able to really "see" what my friends and family were trying to tell me and show me, I realize how dumb and blind I was. They did try to help, but I didn't see or hear it. Most of my friends gave up due to my repeativing whining and crying to my plight in life. My mother reached out to the point I got very spiteful to her telling me what to do and pushed her away. I just didn't see what I was doing.


The only thing that did get through to me was music. I happened to listen to some music I hadn't listen to in years. Songs that triggered good memories that I had long forgotten. One song really resonated in my soul, as it did as a teenager.


Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise


Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free


Blackbird fly

Blackbird fly


Listening to that simple song by the Beatles, opened doors to places in my heart that I had closed so long ago. I remembered my dreams and ideas. The hope I had. My future I held in my hand. And I asked myself why I had lost those feelings and ideas, that I held so dear.


The seed had been planted, and it grew as more songs that my heart moved me to listen to. In the depressing past, I would listen to certain songs that would remind me of my sadness, but these songs reminded me of the hope and dreams I had. With each song, something awakened in me, but I didn't know what it was.


Until, God showed me what I had done to myself and why I was so unhappy. I had stopped being "me". I cut away and killed the things that make me who I am and brought me joy. I allowed people in my life that hurt me cause me to slowly destroy msyelf from the inside out. God showed this to me Saturday Morning, as I was continuing listening to particular tracks of songs, that reminded me of the dreams I had, the happiness that it brought me. It showed me the past picture of me being "me"


And just like when Jesus healed the blind man, I was able to see. I mean really see what I had done to myself. I stopped being msyelf. And there was no way I could find happiness or end my depression when I wasn't allowing msyelf to be the person, God made me to be.


God knows me and He knows that one of the most important things in my life is music. I was listening to Christian music all the time. It was comforting me, but not sparking the dreams that I had locked away in the closets of my soul. It was the secular music that I prevented myelf from listening to. I needed healing and comfort, and no amount of secular music was going to help me. I knew that because I was hurting so badly and I needed help. God knew that. I just didn't know how it was going to come about. I had a feeling that no person was going to be able to give me that, because none of my friends were able to fix the hole that the pain was leaking out of. I knew God was the only answer. I just was growing impatient and so very tired of waiting in pain.


I was just clinging to God as long as I could. I was so very depressed and unhappy. It just seemed unending. Listening to the music that sparked the dreams I once had even caused a bit of pain regarding what I saw as a wasted life before me. But God worked on my heart, cause He knew I would not be able to see until I was completely broken. And I was completely broken. So broken that nothing seems to matter anymore. Nothing at all. Some days, all I did was lay there and cry. I cryed out to the Lord, but I still reared my stubborn head when things were not going the way I wanted them to.


God had to wait until I was completely broken before I would allow him to touch my heart as He did once before when I was first got saved. And I realize now, that after I got saved, I wasn't really open with Jesus. I still wasn't surrendering myself to a point that God could take control. I was still trying to man my own boat. I wanted to be the pilot, not Jesus.


But God knows me and He knows how stubborn I can be. I have always been a stubborn little thing, even when I was born 3 months premature, and refused to die as the doctors that were present at my birth told my mother that I would do. I refused to do what the world told me that I was do and become. Being stubborn as been a focal point in my life. It is unfortunately a very strong trait in my personality. But stubborness can be both good or bad, depending on it is used.


My stubborness as allow me to live, to push myself to put myself through college, work 3 jobs while doing so. But in the other hand my stubborness has always caused me to not listen to those trying to help me, and go my own lonely way, because I could and I would.


God had to break that destructive stubborness, so He could use the positive stubborness that was housed in my heart, deep inside. It was that destructive stubborness that cause me to process pain and closet parts of my personality in order to function and live my life to what I thought was fit.


Sigh,


God knew this and He knew I wasn't going to back down until I was broken. And I was very broken.


I was wandering in oncoming busy traffic of life, blind and dumb to what the consquences of it all. I was too stubborn to care. I was going to do what I felt was the best for me. It worked for me most of my life. To get past the abuse both mental, emotional and physical, the abandonment, the loneliness, the rejection and the intense pain my heart felt. I was able to survive my childhood and young adult life, to following what I consider the soldiering process. I was a soldier and I had to "buck" up and deal with that life gave me. So I selected various memories and actions that would prevent a trigger to all my pain and memories of my loss. Yes, I was being stubborn, because that is how God made me.


God knew. . .


And He knew that He had to wait until I was broken to a point that nothing that ever mattered to me, didn't matter any longer. Until the only thing I clung to was Him. And the last month, the last week, I clung, because I had nothing else to grab ahold of anything. Nothing else matter. There was no happiness in anything, but having comfort in the Lord. It is the way that God wants it. He is a jealous God and He wants no one else to take His place in a person's life. Not music, not artwork, not people, not animals, not computers. NOTHING And He could only work when I had found no happiness in things in my life, no matter that I cut so much of my personality away due to the pain of this world.


Only then could God show me how He had made me, the full of potential. That He could really show me who I was. Only when I was dumb, and blind, could He work a miracle and allow me to see the sunshine and hear the wonderful music of Life that He wanted to share with me.


So I was playing in traffic, threating to be hit by this world, and cast aside like roadkill, dead and forgotten. But that is now how He wanted it. Jesus came into this world to fullfill it and He overcame it so He could overcome anything, even heavy traffic and blinding lights. The only issue was, was I going to allow the hand that grabbed me out of the chaos I was in to lead me once again, truly and sure, or was I going to pull back and demand stubbornly, I would lead myself.


I allowed the hand to lead me. He lead me beside the still waters. . .


He restored my soul. . .


Honestly, I can say I have never said this words more truly and passionately as I do know. Because they are burned upon my heart and my very life feels that more then I ever have.


Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.


I have finally come home. .


My depression is gone. The darkness in which I wandered is gone. I am not longer wandering in traffic.


I am being lead by a wonderful and loving Shepherd. He went looking for a lost, wounded lamb, and did not give up until He found it. I have been found.


I have finally come home. . .


I am home. . .


Thank you dear Jesus!