Tuesday, May 14, 2013


May 14, 2013

A funny thing, is a person's faith. Especially when you have it and then you don't anymore. It is hard to say when it slipped away and it is even harder to grasp, because it is so hard to get a hold of once it is lost. I have been fighting with my faith or maybe I should say that I have been fighting to find my faith. It is hard when a soul feels so much heartache.

I know that it is there, deep inside, because at odd time I feel it. Sometimes certain things light up my soul, and I remember how it once was. Most times, I look back at being a Christian, and all the things I used to do “Reading my Bible, Praying, going to church, etc”, and I don't see myself. I see this strange, wonderful, strong person that was connected to something larger and majestic. Part of me wants to be like that, but I realize I do not know how. I still listen to Christian radio once in a while. I still get KLOVE daily scriptures in my email. Do I read them? No, not most of the time. I delete them feeling they don't apply to me anymore. I don't feel I can relate, because I lost my faith.

How did I lose my faith? I wish I had some awesome excuse for losing it, such as I had a life altering experience that gave me a deep sense of self. I imagine that is how losing faith is for some people. Mine was simple and probably known. It was various things that wore down my solid resolve. It was pain and loneliness. It was disappointment and rejection. It was a disappointment in the world and with the world, that sucked me in and slowly eroded my belief and my faith in God. I guess, if the mountain won't move because it is steadfast, then the harsh elements will move it slowly by chipping away, at its surface. I am the gobstopper of a meager life in the awful mouth of the world. My faith layers have been stripped away slowly by pain, disappointment, rejection and loneliness and my inner soul is almost exposed. There is nothing left to show. I am not a proud Christian with quoting scriptures. I am not that strong follower of Christ that can smile at every pain I face. I am just a simple woman that has been viciously broken by the world and the people in it.

I can say that without my faith to secure me, life seems very scary and I feel lost. Almost like that one lamb that was lost from 99 sheep that were secure with the Shepard. I sometimes wonder if He is looking for me, or is it just my deep wish that someone would be looking for me. That is my lack of faith. Do I have faith that anything can save me from this war torn world. A world where 14 year girls get pregnant, and killed her newborns, out of fear and heartlessness. A world where a man engages the heart of a woman only to use her in anyway possible to benefit himself. A world where human life is so temporary, that millions die everyday and no one blinks an eye. People are harsh and hateful. People are disconnected and disrespectful. People are lonely and lost. This is the world, in which I live and strive to survive from. A world in which I lost my faith and feebly try to find it.

Sometimes, just sometimes something reaches me in the void. Back in April, I opened one of the KLOVE daily scriptures. Why did I open it? I don't know. Maybe I felt bad because I had so many of them in my email box unopened that I opened one, just because. This is what is said:

I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles.” Zechariah 9:12b NLT

This little piece of scripture touched me. Why? Maybe because deep down inside I want to believe that God will bless me beyond my troubles.

It is funny this thing called “Faith” and how ones fights with it. At times, I have refrained from praying or even talking to God, yet at odd times, I have found myself talking to Him. And as soon as I realize what I am doing, I stop. I asked myself “Am I just be stubborn? Or I am trying to get away from something that controls how I should act and what I should do with my life? Honestly, I don't know. That is why I am fighting with my faith. It is true or am I just suffering from doubt due to disappointment and pain.

I am struggling with who I am as a person and why I believe. I am struggling with the depth of my belief. I am struggling with heartache. A heartache that maybe I have been blind all these years of my belief. Only God can tell me and show me, I haven't been.

I guess only time will tell.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Weeding out my "Faith Garden'

I have been thinking a lot about my faith and how it seems to wane back and forth like the moon at times. Especially in times of uncertainty. I even thought I love God very much, at times lately He has been the farthest from my mind, as my mind is taken over by worries and stresses.

I should know better not to worry about things, because the things that grip my heart are nothing but worries of this world. The Lord Jesus said in Matthew 6:25-27

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?”

Matthew 6:25-27

Worrying and Fretting can be a tiresome thing. Something that eats away at a person from the inside out.

Psalms 37:1-3 says not to fret.

1 Do not fret because of evil menor be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Psalm 37:1-3

That means I am not to allow something to consume my mind. I am to just trust in the Lord, no matter how hard it is. I must trust.

A good friend of mine pointed out this piece of scripture, Psalm 55:22 when I was worried about a lot. It was a great comfort to read that.

Give your burdens to the Lord,and he will take care of you.

He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

Psalm 55:22

How many times have I in the last four months, forgotten the Lord standing there during my times of tribulation and worry as I feel over burdens with heavy things like money. Worrying about paying for things with only one paycheck. Worrying about having enough food in the house with two other mouths to feed. Worrying about having enough money to pay increasing bills. It seems all I have been doing is worrying that I am forgetting who I am. I am forgetting God in my life. I know I have to remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6:34 during these times.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.

Today’s trouble is enough for today"

Matthew 6:34

Yet, I do worry about things I should not. I am a worry wart. I always have been to some point. But I had always had trust in God. The one thing I have noticed is worrying does affect the soil of my faith. I say that because my heart has been focused on Mark 4:1-20 because the affects of this world, has been starving my seed of faith. I am choked with thorns. As Jesus said in Mark 4:18-19

And others are the ones sown among thorns.

They are those who hear the word, but the cares of the world

and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word,

and it proves unfruitful.

Matthew 4:18-19

My roots are deep in my love for the Lord, but the world has carefully wound thorns around my “faith” making me feel choked and uncertain about my faith. Even causing me to slack off on reading my Bible during the most important time, when I desperately need it.

Proverbs 12:25 warns what a worrying heart can do.

“Worry weighs a person down. . .”Proverbs 12:25

Jesus said to us in John 16:33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

In all my worrying, I have allowed weeds and thorns to grow in my “faith patch” in my heart, preventing me to see things as God has made them before me. It is the thorns and weeds, that the enemy has sown in my “faith patch” as it is stated in the Bible in Matthew 13:24-28. I allowed the enemy to sneak in and plant things, that now have grown out of control, and now I am weeding it with the word of God.

24Here is another story Jesus told: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field.

25 But that night as the workers slept, his enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat, then slipped away.

26 When the crop began to grow and produce grain, the weeds also grew.

27 “The farmer’s workers went to him and said, ‘Sir, the field where you planted that good seed is full of weeds! Where did they come from?’

28 “‘An enemy has done this!’ the farmer exclaimed. . . .

Matthew 13:24-28

I must watch more carefully on what worldly things have access to my faith or as I have found out, how the enemy sneaks in plants negative things, things that are meant to harm us. I always remember God's word on His plans for us. My dear friend got me a key chain to never forget, in my times of uncertainty and doubt. My friend told me to look at it and read the inscription on it when I felt helpless and loss in my way with the Lord. It is Jeremiah 29:11. I always still tear up when I read it. It was given to me during a very hard time in my life and it was the most thoughtful gift I could ever receive.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Keep the thorns and weeds out of your faith. I am currently weeding out my “faith garden” as I have become slack on its spiritual upkeep. And because I was sloppy and careless on my “spiritual” upkeep with my faith by not sticking to the Word of God when I needed it the most. I am now weeding out and chasing out the enemy from my “faith garden” in which should only hold things of God which are true and right. Not things of negativity or despair.

I know I must always temper the soil of my faith with God's word, otherwise, unsavory worldly items will sneak in and take root. It is just better to be cautious to know the current state of your faith's “soil” so that you will be fruitful as Jesus wanted, and not choked by thorns in this world.

Remember He said to take heart, He OVERCAME the world!

God bless.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Shattered Glass yet still whole

I was walking back to the office this afternoon, when I was talking to God and focusing on my faith and the issues at hand when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was some broken glass in a pile of dirt. I don't know why it caught my attention, but it did, as I walked by. Maybe it was the glitter of the broken glass in the sunny,December, cold air. What ever it was, I paused and went over and looked at it. And to my surprise and wonder, I saw a jagged diamond shaped piece of glass, that was whole yet, I could see it was completely fractured in a lace-like pattern. I gently picked it up, wondering what caused it, a ruined piece of glass, yet beautiful at the same time.

It was then when God spoke to my heart and told me that it doesn't matter how fractured it is, because it is still whole. Just like myself. I may struggle and feel very fractured in this world I live, yet no matter how hard it seems, I am still “whole” in God's eyes. It is God that keeps my fractured parts glued together when facing the stress of this world.

We all have roadblocks and stumbling blocks to becoming the person God made us to be. Those stumbling blocks might be a sin that is being committed all the time in worldly living like excess smoking, getting drunk, swearing or not being a Godly example to others. I know my major roadblock to being the person God made me to be is self worth. I struggle with myself worth all the time, because it is the things of the world, that are reflecting the negative things upon me. Pointing all my faults and cracks my personality has.

I know why God showed me that shattered piece of glass, which was still whole. God showed me that even though the glass seemed broken, it was still whole. It looked ruined yet it's fractured state, it was still beautiful. Just like me. Just like you.

In John 1:12, states I am a child of God. At times, it is hard for me to remember that, but things like that fractured piece of glass point to it.

God made sure if I didn't understand the lesson He was trying to give me with the glass, that I saw what he was trying to point out.


As I was walking along with the delicate piece of unbroken glass, I looked up and saw a truck with the word “Forward” on it. It was huge and unmistakable. I realized what God was trying to get me to do. Not step back. Not to stand still. But to go forward in Faith, because I was not broken. I feel cracked and broken, but to God I am a whole piece of laced glass that He holds up to the sun, to see it shine.

If you feel broken, cracked or shattered, remember you are more like a piece of broken glass shattered into separate pieces yet still whole. It is the love of God that keeps your whole, even if we feel broken. It is a type of bondage, which we are caught up into. That isn't what the Lord has for us. We must always confess or focus on the positive and not the negative or the doubt or lack of faith in one's self because the Word of God says "God has dealt to each one a measure of faith (Romans 12:3) That means God secured faith with in us. He believes in us, regardless how we see ourselves.

2 Corinthians 3:17 says Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. \o/

So remember the fractured glass. Doesn't see it as something broken and destroyed by the world. See it as beautiful lace piece of grass, which God created, formed and knew it would have flaws. But if you look closers at the those flaws, a person will fail to see it as a whole. Close your eyes, step back a bit and then open them. The full picture then comes to view as God sees it. It is no longer just fractured or broken glass, but a beautiful laced glass, whole unique and special. Much like a stained glass window, the beauty can't be seen by the naked eye, until one steps back and stands in the light.

Allow your broken glass to stand in the light, so Jesus can allow His grace to shine through. It is only if a person does that, can that person see the beauty of the broken glass. Just like God showed me with my simple little walk.

I am not the broken glass sitting in the dirt. I am a beauty fractured piece of glass that God holds together with His love and Grace. I am, as you are a unique, beautiful piece of artwork.

God bless

Monday, November 30, 2009

Walking against the rough waters

I can't say that my life has been easy the last couple months by any means. If anything, I have grown and I have learned that being in a relationship is not easy. Especially not easy if it is one sided, as I have been told, I have been acting. Loving is harder and feeling understood is harder. Communication is even harder.

When you have another person in your life, I realized that I am more apt to learn my flaws and faults from this person. And depending how the other person presents them, can either uplift you and drive you to improve yourself or bring you down and cause to crawl toward some type of comfort.

I have to say that more so then not, I have been crawling toward some type of comfort. Listening to upbeat music, Listening to encouraging sermons, or reading a good book or reading my Bible. I have learned alot about myself due to my boyfriend. I can't say that I feel the greatest about the things he says.

Honestly, I cringe and race toward my bible and search from some solution to help with my various issues.I have learned that I tend to get defensive to when people ask me question. Due to a rough past, I have always had to explain myself one way or another to protect myself.

Defensiveness is an automatic habit of standing up for myself as a young child. As all old habits, they are hard to overcome even more in the most tense of situations. Most of the time, my defensiveness has been seen as an attitude. I honestly don't like like the word "attitude" because is sounds so negative especially when it comes to describing a trait of mine. I dont' like to think I have an attitude, yet when I am told I have one, it hurts to know that so I move toward finding a solution and learning how to change how I see and feel things for the better.

The Bible says in Philippians 2:5 that "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:" I have learned that at times, it is hard to stop and think when one's emotions are already flared. It is only afterward, when I realized that I wasn't as Christian minded as I would like, I feel horrible. I don't know how many times, I prayed to God to make me an instrument of His will and heart when I come up against disagreements and verbal fights with the one I love. That I lay down my verbal sword that I am trying to protect myself with and stand there without posing some threat to another.

My boyfriend says I do not respect him because of the way I speak to him when we argue. When we argue, I get snippy. Once again, it is my defensiveness and attitude. It is automatic and something I need to switch off completely and permenately. Ephesians 4:22 states that "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off the old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds."

That is what I strive for so much that I have stopped talking to my boyfriend. Communication has broken down due to the fact, I haven't found a way to shut the "attitude" off. I don't want to disrespect him, so I have gone silent mostly. I am still working on how I can open up and communicate without causing a problem. It is like I am walking against a strong current, like a river I am trying to cross, but I am unable to. I pause in fear and uncertainity, as if I walk anymore, I will just be washed away by the storm waters.

I know as a child of God that my attitude should be one of love, forgiveness, consideration, caring, encouragement, kindness, humility, unselfishness, and respectfulness, yet at times during an argument I find myself forgetting those traits that I have learned through out the years while following Jesus. I have had to identify the bad attitudes I have and try to repent from them.

It says so in Acts 8:22 "Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you."

In the last 3 months while dating my boyfriend, I have found myself to be defiant, self centered, rude, defensive and most of all proud. It was just two weeks ago I was told that I talk down to my boyfriend, as if I was more superior then he was. I was shocked and a bit hurt at the thought.

I will admit that I am very independent, as I have taking care of myself since I was 18, but I never thought I had some type of superior complex. If anything, I struggle with my self esteem because I don't see myself as being superior over anyone.

Upset, and trying to get the root of the problem. I had been listening to Joel Osteen, and he said if I dont' get to the root of the problem, then no matter what you do, the situation will not improve. I looked up "Snippy" in the thesaurus and found words like Arrogant, cocky, high and mighty, haughty and Proud. It was the word, "proud" that got me.

I thought about it for a while. Yes, I was proud of myself. I own my own home, my own car, I have a college education that I paid for myself, for the last 14 years I had worked 2 or 3 jobs conceutively. I have always done things myself. I was proud, even if I didn't state it. I just have always had a take-charge attitude when it came to my life. I have learned that when you are sharing your life with someone, it isn't always the best attitude to have. It is a hard trait to break. I have learned that I have a lot of pride, and I am ashamed to find myself filled with it. I never saw it before. I know it is a sin before the Lord.

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud." Proverbs 16:18-19

"Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin!" Proverbs 21:4

I don't want to be seen as being haughty or proud.

I want to be more like Psalms 131:1 where it states "My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me."

I have struggled with this pride and "attitude" so I searched for an answer in God's word. I read and read, in order to burn God's Word upon my soul to correct the wrong found there. I always try to ask God to help me, especially when I am in an argument with a loved one, like my boyfriend. To help myself, I created and A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E. card. I will share it here in hopes it will help someone else that struggles as I do.

A. - Avoid anger, Knowing the destructive forces & striving to maintain "cool" and serenity (James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,)

T - Tactful: considerate, delicate & diplomatic with other's feelings and ideas (Col 4:6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.)

T - Temperate: Self control. Do not lose control over society's ills (Titus 2:12 It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age)

I - Initiative: Take position and do what needs to be done (Phil 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.) (Phil 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.)

T - Thoughfulness: attention and care to others and their feelings first. (Phil 2:4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.)

U - Understanding: comprehend situations (Psalms 119:34 Give me understanding, and I will keep your lawand obey it with all my heart.)

D - Discipline: Uphold and continue a consistent, well ordered life with Godly obedience, regardless of feeling (1 Timothy 4:7 Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly.)

E - Enthusiasm: Overcome disappointments and setbacks, be positive, optimistic when things are harsh ( Matt 5:16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.) ( Rom 12:11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.) (Gal 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.) (Col 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men)

I worked hard on finding just the right words to spell attitude in a good and bibicial way, so it would be positive and spiritual. I had other scripture to go with the A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E. but it was all I could fit on a 3x5 index card so I could carry it around with me. Of course, minus the writting out scripture references. I might still work them into another index card "draft" to it would be more helpful for me.

I am trying hard to be a better person, a better Christian. At this point in time, it is very hard, yet I still strive for what God has for me. God knows I am not a quitter, even if the times are hard and uncertain for me. I continue to walk against the rough waters, which are against me. Calm waters will be coming soon, and it will be more like walkiing along the shore on the sunny beach. This I speak in faith, because God is faithful and true.

Sorry, for my babbling. I guess, I was yearning to speak out and share on what I have seen in myself and what I have been struggling with. Thank you for listening. I am hoping that maybe, my struggles could help someone that is also facing the same thing.

God bless you all.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

What IS your JOY?

Joy think about it. What does Joy mean to you. Joy has been the top subject for me since May 30, 2009 Let me explain just a sliver of it.

I had suffered with depression for the last 13 years to be truthful, no matter how sad it maybe. Depression can really suck the life out of someone. The sad thing is that with the depression I suffered was because of myself and how I was conducting my life. Only my faith in God really pulled me thought, because God was the only one that could reach me where I was going.

I have always had a very strong relationship with Jesus, since its begining with I was 5 years old. I turned to Him when I was sad. I turned to Him when I was suffering. I even turned to Him to share my joys. As as I had a rough childhood filed with physical, mental and emotional abuse, Jesus keep me safe throught it all and helped me rise above it. So when I got saved in July 1997, 13 years ago, it was a freedom that I had never had before.

I was afraid of going to Hell, being separated from seeing God when I died. So when I accepted Jesus into my heart as my sole pilot of my life, I was free of the fear. I was free of alot of the things that burdened me. Still I wasn't really free of all burdens. God would have me carry those just a while longer. 13 years to be exact, until I learned and did what God needed me to do.

So for the last 13 years I was pretty much moving toward a place in my life which was equviant to playing in traffic. Please see my blog for June 4, 2008 "Are you waiting to be roadkill? It is on my blog at blogspot. I am not hear to promote. I am here to share the grief of depression and the feeling of helplessness that depression descends on a person.

Until that day, Saturday morning on May 30th of this year, I stuggled at times to find Joy in life. I knew that Jesus gave me Joy for HE WAS inside of me. IN MY HEART, yet at times, most of the time, I stuggled to find the joy that many people easily found.

I struggled with this. I read scripture to focus on the Joy that was in God. I said Nehimiah 8:10 so often, a person would think that the statement would sink in.

The Joy of the Lord IS my strength. I repeated over and over again some days when if felt like my life was crashing down. Emotional I was falling apart. I was lonely, seemingly just exsisting instead of living and uncertain where the world was going to send me next. Like I said, depression and dispair can suck the life out of you. It is Satan's main tactic in getting control. Worry is the theft to Joy. Satan uses it to rob the inner assuarance that the Lord is in control. Satan uses three things to reek havoc in a person's life. Most people don't see it and Christian struggle with it the most because of the belief of knowing that Jesus is with them, then Satan can't touch them. Satan can't touch you, but Satan sure can lead you away. And away the Evil One will lead you, if you give him a chance.

Satan uses doubt, denial and deception to lead your thinking away from Christ. If Satan can get your mind to stray away from Him, then he can guide a confused lamb away from the flock. That is what Satan did to me for 13 years. I was just within range of Jesus, but not close enough to always hear him. It was freedom to wander a bit from the Master's hand, yet I didn't know that the farther I got away from Him, I was impeding my own growth in Him. His word wasn't sinking in as deep as it should have. The Joy that He was giving me wasn't getting through because Satan was making me doubt the things in my life, making me thinking I wasn't that important. It was Satan's main deception in my life. I was never good enough. I wasn't important. I was pretty much useless to God. He had so many other children, which were doing great things and showing their love to Him. What I was trying to do, was worthless to Him and those around me. That was Satan's deception and doubt he created within.

I felt no Joy at times. Not the type of joy that many other born again Christians felt. I wanted that joy and I asked God about it several times, but go no answer. I felt lost at times. I knew He was there. There was no doubt about that.I just couldn't feel His presence when I needed it the most. I believed in God. I knew He was faith faith. It is scripted in His word. In Genesis, after Adam and Eve sinned and they were kicked out of Eden. God proclaimed His promise that salvation would come for them. Even in the fear, the hurt and the dispair, there was joy to be found.

"From now on, you and the woman will be enemies, and your offspring and her offspring will be enemimes. He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel" Genesis 3:15

The Joy that Jesus would come save us. A promise even in our trials and tribulations, we will find Joy.

Look at Noah, Abramham, Issac, Joseph, and countless others. They struggled with issues that stole their joy, but they have faith that the true Joy is in the Lord, only if you fully surrender all to Him.

The JOY of the LORD IS my strength

I had to asked myself how I defined my joy, and realized before May 30, It was very hard to define because I didn't feel it much, if at all. I believed and had faith in God, but I wasn't opening myself up to His Joy. I had to surrender. Like many things a person have to do in order for God to really work in one's life. One must surrender all to the Lord.

It is our willful choice to rejoice in the Lord. Many people choice not to and fill their lives with external things to create their happiness. That type of happiness is fleeting. That is not Joy. I know the difference from between happiness and Joy. Happiness is an emotion that is fleeting, and most of the time is triggered by an outside influence in one's life. Joy is something internal. Deep within one's self which wells up and outward and spills out around them.

Look around you. Which people are the most joyful with their lifes. Are they Christians that surrendered their lives, their problems, their external things to the Lord. I am sure most of them are. If they don't have Jesus within, I am certain that they do not have an everlasting spring of life and joy, and when they are alone, I am sure they are very unhappy about their lives in general.

Joy is internal. Joy comes from the Love of the Lord to us from Him. I know this. It happened to me on May 30. I felt it welling up inside of me and overflowing. I changed in a blink of an eye. It was miraclous to me. It was so overflowing that I had on person seriously ask me if I was on crack. I just laughed and said "NO, I just have so much joy it seems impossible to contain." The joy has been non stop since that day. To have the joy that the Lord has for you is healing for the body, calming to mind and life to the soul. The healing I got was so life changing for me. Back in July 1997, my salvation was true, but the healing I needed wasn't complete. God knew I needed time. My heart was always willing to serve the Lord. He knew this, but I wasn't ready to do what He needed me to do. I had to learn things and grow. Now I feel His Joy, His word makes so much sense and I feel His presence more strongly then I ever did before. I see things that through my 13 rough years, He was there the whole time, holding me, guiding me and walking with me until I got there I needed to be in His plan.

If you don't have joy in your life overflowing within you. If you don't feel Jesus there next to you. He is there, believe me. When you are finally unblinded by the depction and doubt of Satan, you will see Him. And know He was always there. Don't give up. Keep the faith, no matter if you dont' feel it. Jesus IS there.

Remember this:

You have sorrow now but I will see you again; then you will rejoice and no one can rob you of that Joy John 16:22

Jesus was going to his death and he was comforting the disciples that they would see Him again.It is the same with us, but instead of Him seeing us again, He is always there, we just can't "see" him as in meaning feel Him in times of doubt or pain. But He is there. And soon you WILL see Him there and it will fill you with Joy as it did me.

I just never gave up. I believed and was faithful, no matter how much I couldn't see or feel what I thought I was suppose to be feeling or seeing. I didn't feel God's presence. I felt lost and alone at times. But that doesn't mean I was really alone. Because I wasn't. And neither are.

As I depart this thought process. I leave you to things:

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

Paul said those words. He wasn't at Disneyland or even laid back relaxing his evening in comfort. He was in prison and facing horrible factors and events in his life. Yet, he still rejoiced in the Lord. Jesus within him overflowing! You have that and can have that. I found mine and now it is time for yours.

Then he returned to the disciples and found them alseep. He said to Pete, "Couldn't you stay awak and watch with me even one hour? Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For thought the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!" Matthew 26:40-41

Jesus was struggling with dispair and felt deep anguish and he turned to his disciples for support. He had faith in God, and knew he needed to face things, very much like you did, but being human he need "flesh" support to help the weakness that the flesh is subjected to. Always remember, it is ok to turn toward someone for help and support. None of us can just fully rely on God. As Jesus said, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. So we need "flesh" support from others to help us, encourage us and uplift us when we can not do it ourselves.

I am here for you if you need me. Email me or comment me, I am awake to stay up and pray with you, if you need support.

God bless.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The State of The World and a Loss

I have to say that my mind has been a flutter with various issues concerning Michael Jackson on his untimely death. I have many opinions, but the one that I will only address at the moment is the one that is very blantantly obvious from my stand point.

Idol worship. Plain and simple.

The Bible states:

1 Then God gave the people all these instructions:
2 “I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. 3 “You must not have any other god but me. 4 “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. 5 You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. 6 But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.

Exodus 20:1-6

The death of Michael Jackson and the reactions of the people clearly shows idol worship in its simple form. I have seen many people so very distraught of his death that it seems almost as their whole life has been ruined by the event.

Yes, death of another human is a very sad thing to experience. Any death its self is traumatic and sad. Life is precious and when one person sees a life extinguished is horrible. I know. Just in the month of June, while I was driving to see my Grandma Mert and Generic Dad I saw a squirrel that had gotten injuired in the road. I saw him dragging his little body to the side of the road. The sight gripped me so hard that I couldn't stop crying for a half an hour. I knew the poor think must have been in pain and to the point of death. It was just a squirrel, but still it was life.

Michael Jackson's death was sad and untimely, but he was not a god. I know that to many he was and his public adoration of his fans show it. The crying, the fainting, the swaying. It reminds me of God's word in part.

You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. Exodus 20:5

It seems that fans, which is a lot of the world, at least from my stand point from the pictures in the media are worshipping. Worshipping Michael Jackson.

He was only a human. A very eccentric man, warpped by his childhood and by his fame, but still human like us all.

I can't say that I am surprized by all the hype all over the world in the adoration of Michael Jackson. I believe God made us to worship. We are created to worship.

There are 7 ways to worship God as proof.

1. Praise and Thanksgiving by grateful declaration, public or private. This includes prayer. One example of this is Hebrews 13:15

2. Joyful songs. Psalm 100:1-2 is an example

3. Dancing. David danced is an example when he rejoiced over the Ark of the Covenant. You can find that in 1Samuel 6:14.

4. Observing the Lord's Supper. As seen in 1Corinthians 11:26

5. Cheerful giving of money, as found in 2 Corinthians 9:7

6. Giving of one's time through the administering of our spiritual gifts so that the Body of Christ may be edified. 1Corinthians 12:1-14:34

7. Making our bodies a living sacrifice. As stated in Romans 12 :1-2

We were made to worship Him. Simple.

But instead of worshipping Him, through the centuries, the Bible shows how the Israelites worshiped pagan gods of other countries. The Prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah were always trying to remind the Isrealites of the one true God and that God was to be worshiped only and no others.

I seen alot of idol worship in the last 2 weeks. It all started with Michael Jackson's death.

I can honestly say that I didn't cry when I found out about his death. I was very greived about the loss of such a great talent in the entertainment world, but I know his amazing work will always be with us, if he will not be.

But one has to focus on what possibly many people that are grieving over Michael Jackson are missing. They are busy worshiping for the wrong reason, and failing to see the truth. Michael Jackson was not a God. He was just a man. I pray only in time that those people that are grieving so deeply will see the truth.

With the one true God, it has been promised that death is not the end. Last year I bought a key chain that still moves me to this day. It says:

No eye has seen,
No ear has heard,
No mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him
Death is not the End.

I can not judge Michael Jackson on his beliefs or the throngs of people that are grieving over his death for theirs. I can only hope and pray they can come to their senses and see the truth. The prophets warned the nations to mend their ways to avert disaster See Isaiah 1:16-17

16.Wash yourselves and be clean! Get your sins out of my sight. Give up your evil ways.
17. Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows. Isaiah :16-17

Jeremiah, did not hold back when chastising the people that fell away.

4 Listen to the word of the Lord, people of Jacob—all you families of Israel! 5 This is what the Lord says: “What did your ancestors find wrong with me that led them to stray so far from me? They worshiped worthless idols, only to become worthless themselves. 6 They did not ask, ‘Where is the Lord who brought us safely out of Egypt and led us through the barren wilderness— a land of deserts and pits, a land of drought and death, where no one lives or even travels?’ 7 “And when I brought you into a fruitful land to enjoy its bounty and goodness, you defiled my land and corrupted the possession I had promised you. Jeremiah 2:4-7

I can only hope that as the Isrealites saw from their mistakes that various people might see theirs in their seemingly worship of a simple man.

That is all Michael was. He was talented, but a simple man never the less. Just like Nimrod in Genesis 10:9 , he was just human, which was raised much higher then should have been. Mary, the mother of Jesus is another person has been raised to worship status among Catholics. I was raised Catholic, I would know this very imtimately. All Mary was a simple woman, a human favored by God. That is all.

Please pray for those lost in this world and those who need to find the real truth and the light. We are get lost in our way, but God is forgiving and always takes us back, regardless of our past. His Word shows us that. I thank Jesus that with his ultimate sacrifice that I am saved.


29 Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. 30 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ Mark 12:29-30

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

God's treasures now laying in His hands

This morning as I was praying, I was laying my earthly treasures, the people I love, before the Lord in faith and trust I was reminded me something I did a couple days ago.

Just a couple days ago I was explaining to a young woman about something that God shared with me some weeks ago. It was about treasures. The original revelation was about 2 weeks ago, when I was talking to Phil, when God showed me "Treasures"

We have treasures in our lives. Our treasures are the people that we love. All treasures are long lasting but only some are present our whole lifetime and other treasures are only with us a short while. As I was explaining this to Phil why I wasn't depressed or upset and how God touched my heart so deeply. God showed me that even thought I am depressed about the particulars in my life, I have really not lost. I still have the treasures that I have been grieving that I have lost forever.

It was very hard to address a very sensitive issue without causing any wanted pain. I told Phil that even that he lost his 3 year old daughter, a very precious jewel, 6 years ago he really never lost her. She is still in his treasure chest, and she remains there for him to always look at. Her time to be out of the special resting place had ended and God placed her in Phil's treasure chest for safe keeping. I went on to explain, the same was true of my Gram, even the jewel that was my love for Travis, once our relationship had ended. The jewels of their lives were still there, just placed for safe keeping in my treasure chest.

What ever the purpose, some jewels are no longer present in the daily showing of their beauty, such as Phil's young daughter. God's purpose for that small jewel had been accomplished and it was His that called her home, and the jewel was placed in a safe keeping.

This piece of scripture really hits home to me from what God shared with me that day.

Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. Matthew 6:20-21

It is those treasures are in the treasure chest of your heart, as well as in God's hands. So when I pray for those that I love, I always tell my Father God that I am laying my treasure in His hands, because He knows as I do know now, how precious they really are.

My heart is no longer heavy with the loss of friendships, or loves. I am not saddened by the death of loved ones. I am joyful because I have not lost them. They are still my treasures. They are just in the safe keeping of my Lord. As well, no matter what, what might befall my precious treasures, I know with all my heart that the Joy of the Lord is my strength.

Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

So I was explaining this to a young woman the other day as she was grieving over the loss of a dear friendship. I told her, she still have the treasure in that friendship. That she always would. It just possible it will never been held as closely as the past, but only as a jewel never to be taken out of the treasure chest that God placed there. We won't know the reasoning or why, but we must have peace in it.

I can really see this as a jewel itself among my own jewels in my own treasure chest.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Each treasure has a purpose, and has a time for it to shine. We just must understand and have peace with those treasures that we have had to give up because their timeline for their period of glory has run its course according to God's will.

Have peace. . .

You have not lost your treasures. . .

They are only in a different place for safe keeping. . .

The treasure chest of one's heart.

Have peace. Be still and know He is God.

And you will see those treasures still shining and sparkling.